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Idle Fun at the Expense of Vegan Morons

Seems Melissa has a project. Posted from here. Get a load and take note. Any of you Paleos ever exhibit this level of abject dumb ass moron, I'm outta here.

Becoming an ex-vegan is somewhat like becoming an ex-antiracist or an ex-antisexist -- you have to wonder just how unprejudiced the person was to begin with. I studied bongo drum composition in college and I've never read anything about nutrition, but the American Dietetic Association, which is an infallible organization, says that vegan diets are appropriate for everyone, even kittens! If every person on earth decided to eat this way - would it not be a sustainability disaster? We clearly have to eat a diet that would be applicable to all humans and not differ at all, which is one rich in soylent green, a sustainable soy product.

And...

It’s quite sad & funny how we can sit down to a meal of roasted baby water flea & coo over how amazing & tender it is then with our other hand pat the family dog….do we not see the connection here??…Why do we spare the dogs life but take the baby water flea’s? Do they not both have a nervous system? A personality? Having grown up in Southern Manhattan, I have a very narrow comprehension of the complexities of food production, but I am absolutely sure that vegan diets always are the least-harm option. Is vegetarianism the cure for all that ails us? Judging from the recent wave of high profile celebrities embracing a plant based diet, the answer seems like a resounding 'YES!'

And...

I don't believe most of the comments that say something like 'I was a vegetarian/vegan and now I am not anymore', because of 'health problems' Look at your hands. Do you see claws? Humans are herbivores like cows. Harm reduction is important, well, for humans, since we are so awful. Tigers can kill as much as they want since they don't know any better. But just because they don't know any better doesn't mean they are different from us. Humans are just another animal and we have to treat all animals equally.

And...

Humans are the only animal that causes suffering and death. Where the hell is that damned pandemic scientists keep yapping about??? Even if it kills me in the process, I’ll at least die knowing the earth has shaken off a good chunk of the parasitic human race. Mike Arnstein ran a 2:28 marathon this year at Boston. He is the FASTEST runner in the raw food movement today. Long time vegan and now powered by sweet fruit. I never went past high school biology, but I'm absolutely positive anyone can thrive on a vegan diet.

Been a while, but this kinda motivates me to fire up the Vegan ridicule machine, once again. It's so damn easy. How easy was this post, for a cheap laugh?

Update: OK, here's one I found in my Trash folder from a few days ago at Denise Minger's place.

I find this very amusing!!! All of you give this Denise so much credit and really don’t understand the formulas!!!I’ll stick with the experts who have spent years,time and money to prove their facts!!!Also, we will be meeting with Colin Campbell on Feb.26th at Sublime Restaurant in Ft. Lauderdale along with Dr. Neal and other Dr’s and scientist!! I’ll print this out and bring it with me!!I’m sure they will have fun with this!!! It is very obvious that we are dealing with denial and reisistance to validate your own choices!!!! Those of you who put so much faith into this article, should really do your own research!!

Melissa, there's a gold mine over there!!!!!

Know any Vegans? Then tell 'em what you really think and Facebook or Tweet it. 

Comments

  1. It’s still in Beta. People keep sending me great comments to ape into it :)

  2. Claws. Bwaahahaa.

  3. I’m baffled… Apparently, some people learn nothing in college… ADA is infallible??? HA!

  4. russell campbell says:

    religion = vegetarianism=global warming

  5. I read this not knowing who Melissa was and thought the whole thing was satire?

    • real comments Melissa collects round and about.

      Truth is often stranger than fiction. It would be hard to make up comments so ridiculous.

      • It’s real comments mixed with some satirical ones.

      • I’m guessing the satirical ones are the “My only biology class was in high school but I know the ADA is infallible” and “I don’t know wtf an RD is, but they must be right because they have letters after their name” comments? Although if those are actually some of the real comments, that’s even funnier.

  6. You’re not a paleo blogger until you get your first vegan troll.

    In all seriousness, I try to be kind to them. Most of them are genuinely trying to do the right thing, they’ve just been listening to the wrong sources of information.

    However, I do make one exception, which is that I fly off the handle when someone says “Did you know that humans can’t digest meat? It just rots in your colon.” GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

    Since I couldn’t find any article debunking that (it’s like trying to find a peer-reviewed reference for the statement “The earth orbits the sun”) I wrote one myself. I hope it’s germane enough to post a link here:

    “Does Meat Rot In Your Colon? No. What Does? Beans, Grains, and Vegetables!”
    http://www.gnolls.org/1444/does-meat-rot-in-your-colon-no-what-does-beans-grains-and-vegetables/

    • As I recall, snoops.com may have a reference.

      • I checked that before writing the article. Snopes only debunks the specific John Wayne legend (“died with 40 pounds of impacted meat in his colon”) – primarily by noting there was no autopsy.

        Worse, it ends with a kowtow to vegetarians: “None of this is to say that treatments such as colonic irrigation have absolutely no therapeutic value, or that most of us wouldn’t do well to change our diets to cut down (or possibly eliminate) our intake of meat…” DENIED!

        Besides, writing the article gave me a chance to explain how our digestive system works.

      • Josh Spradley says:

        THANK YOU!!! For posting that blog J. Stanton! I’ve been looking for a concise, easy to follow debunking of the “meat rots in your colon” BS for a long time!

        Great article!

      • I must agree. That is an outstanding primer on human vs other animal digestion. Tweeted, and I should put it up on a link roundup as well.

  7. Seems like lack of animal fat has wreaked havoc on this vegan’s common sense

  8. No, this is not possible, it must be a joke !
    No one can be THAT dumb… even eating a vegan diet !

    • Oh but this is a joke !
      fwww, I’m releived ! It was kind of scarry to think this was real !

      Hey, this is funny :
      “What a moron. Another arrogant human who believes that might makes right; pathetic. Just because humans became smart enough to make tools and hunt animals doesn’t mean we need to eat their carcass and drink their secretions. this posts proves once again 90% of the comments are from males that think being compassionate to animals is a weakness. There you have for asserting brutish identity just because, no other consideration at all!.”

      Hihihihi !

  9. My favorite from the site: “I am pretty sure this blog post and all things mentioned in it must have been sponsored by the nefarious Weston A. Price Foundation, an organization funded by wealthy zebra-ranching cabels.”

  10. Oh hey cool! *I* wanna ranch me some zebras! They’re pretty! (And they may taste good! Lions and cheetahs sure think so!) Who wants to form a cabal?

  11. John Paul says:

    The only thing vegans are good for is to be process into organic raised, plant fed, free range pet food for the animal kingdom market.

  12. Winding up vegans is like shooting fish in a barrel. Oh, wait!

  13. Come on – fire up the Vegan ridicule machine, I need some laughs.

    Sadly, many vegan discussion boards are closed little clusterfucks where you have to swear you’re totally committed to some BS in order to be considered to even join, meanwhile every paleo forum I’ve seen is the usual email-confirm or, like here, no checking. Dissenting opinions welcome.

    Unfortunately it makes it difficult to introduce little nuggets of doubt and truth into their little worlds. That’s how insecure they are in the dogma to begin with.

  14. LMAO. Because humans don’t have claws we are apparently herbivores? I guess our canine teeth are just for ripping coconut husks or chewing those oh-so-meaty carrots. What about chimps? Remember that one that ripped off that lady’s face and chewed off her fingers?? I guess that doesn’t count as causing pain on purpose… haha thanks for the laugh Richard.

    • What vegans consistenly fail to recognize is that chief weapon for humans is the brain, a brain developed by eating meat & animal fat, weaponized through vast hunting experience.

      • Exactly. Our ancestors first figured out how to make primitive stone tools (the Oldowan complex) ~2.6 million years ago, and the tools were used to butcher carcasses.

        That is, not coincidentally, when cranial size began its expansion from 350cc to 1400cc and up.

        It is instructive to recall that anatomically modern humans (whose brains, incidentally, were somewhat larger than today’s humans) were entirely created by the selection pressures of the Pleistocene.

        In other words, hunting is literally what made us human.

      • There’s also a theory that our ancestors hunted by running our food to death. Who needs claws when you’ve got sweat glands?

      • Persistence hnting.

      • Absolutely humans engaged in persistence hunting! For anyone who hasn’t seen the video yet:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wI-9RJi0Qo
        (Note use of spear for killing)

        But even if you use only a wooden spear or your hands to kill, you’ve still got to cut the carcass up afterwards in order to eat it. Fingernails won’t get through antelope hide…and even Australopithecus didn’t have a sufficiently protruding muzzle to just bury his face in a haunch. Consider this situation: you, a dead deer, but no knife or other tools. You are hungry. Now what?

        And how do you cut and shape a useful wooden spear? Unless you’re lucky enough to find exactly the right size and shape of branch, you’ll need a sharp rock.

        The oldest known stone tools (2.6 MYA) were found in association with cutmarked bones.

  15. These days it’s not just the vegans, pretty much everybody has bought into the “eat mostly plants” theory. Even reasonably sensible people are easy to wind up.

    “I like to eat meat that is rich in saturated fat.”

    “Ummm …. okay … but you don’t eat very much of it do you? Just a little bit for dinner every now and then?”

    “I try to limit myself to no more than two pounds a day.”

    That’s when they look at me like I ride the short bus to school.

  16. This is hilarious! I’m going to pass it on to my dad, who is so happy to be on a paleo diet after years of being told he should limit his fats. Someone made a comment at the table one night about vegetarians, and he replied “I have no use for vegetarians… actually, I take that back, a lot of the animals i eat are vegetarians.”

  17. Melissa:

    See the update I just posted. Gold mine alert.

  18. I can’t imagine the self-loathing one must have to think that humans are so awful that we should sacrifice our health to eat stuff that we cannot thrive on

    • Exactly. The level of self-loathing, and loathing for the whole human race, comes across so clearly in all the vegan rhetoric…I wonder if they realize it?

      • Helen, only the manifestation is new. Self and general human loathing can be traced back through every religious and ideological movement going back as far as we can study. Perhaps the Doctrine of Original Sin was the first.

        And how successful was that?

  19. On the subject of ‘impacted meat in the colon’, would the vegan crowd be shouting from the rooftops about all the cases of this being discovered in this age of colonoscopies for all? I certainly haven’t heard of any from either personal aquaintences or internet anecdotes. Anyone shed some light?

    • You’re making the fundamental mistake of looking at veganism as the product of a logical decision.

      Veganism is a religion – chosen primarily by the irreligious who can’t bring themselves to accept (for example) Catholicism and the doctrine of original sin, but who still feel guilt and shame for being alive.

  20. Phil Bennett says:

    Soylent green, not a satire?

  21. …and now she’s made a “self-righteous paleo” troll generator, too. Y’know, just in case you can’t articulate your hatred of potatoes and butter on your own.

  22. richard,
    may i salute your fucking awesomeness. ex-vegan here. those who advocate feeding a vegan diet to kittens deserve all the lectin-rich GMO corn (the whole plant is classified as an “insecticide”) that they prefer over real food. i’ve made an about-turn in my life and my blog reflects that. you won’t believe the number of vegans and vegetarians who give me heck for “betraying the cause”.

    their response makes me wonder how they walk and chew gum at the same time.

    bee

    • Hey bee, well my first thought is that if you can say “fucking” in the 1st sentence, it would not be altogether out of place to use “hell” or “shit” in place of “heck.” :)

      There’s lots of stuff poking fun at vegans on this bog, so have yourself a laugh, and welcome to a real life.

  23. …..”which is one rich in soylent green, a sustainable soy product.”

    Wait, am I missing the joke?

    Soylent Green is not a soy product… Its a movie starring Charlton Heston where it turns out Soylent Green is PEOPLE!! They were eating PEOPLE!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sp-VFBbjpE

  24. Melissa, I ♥♥♥ the Self Righteous Paleo Comment Generator….

    “I get all my meat from aurochs.” Bwahahahahaha!

  25. ….”I never went past high school biology”

    That’s because you weren’t smart enough. Idiots are fun.

  26. I’m reading through on the iPhone so someone may have mentioned this but if not….

    A secondary benefit of Richard letting Julien do a guest post was the new places I got to explore thanks to Julien’s links. One of those was Chris Guillebeau. Google him if you haven’t made it there yet. Anyhow the update email you provide at the bottom of this post made me think of something Chris wrote in his Conquering the World manifesto. This vegan jackass clings to his gatekeepers of the religion of food by only being capable of entertaining ideas from “real experts”. Conventional thinking leaves them utter fools. The funny thing is they live a very unconventional life, that is, the life of a cellulose sucking vegan, and it shocks me that with even devout unconventional thinking such soul sucking stupidity can still be so rampant.

  27. LeonRover says:

    Just let ‘em be. Ignore ‘em.

    Let lack of adaptation lead to breeding failure.

    OTHERWISE, some may pay sufficient attention to eat enough for a successful birth and then you have a NEXT generation.

  28. Because it is my sad fate to be the vegan in this thread, let me clear something up. Not all vegans are proselytizing-animal rights-self righteous douches that we all know and loath.

    Because they make my life so hard I will gladly drive the truck delivering anyone caught handing out “Vegan! Action!” fliers on a college campus to the local slaughter house.

    No no no. Some of us are simply not able to eat animal products. In my case I have had a lifelong problem digesting meats and dairy. For me the vegan diet was the one that didn’t make me sick. I figure it’s just an extreme on the spectrum of human dietary choices. I am predisposed my way, and you carnivores just lean to the other extreme.

    So be aware that there are quiet Vegans too who don’t give a damn if you eat our animal friends.

    Happy grilling.

    • OK, Alger, but you have seriously confounding variables, just so you know. And also, as an atheist, I loath atheist activists who want to shut down Nativity displays, et al.

      Meat & dairy are in no way equivalent. You certainly were once very adapted to dairy, otherwise you would not have survived at all. But, the original human species develops intolerance naturally. That’s what causes weaning, if nothing else (like mom fatigues, or they don’t want to buy formula, anymore). lactose tolerance is only about an 8,000 year old genetic novelty and is arguably what spurred many conquests over the eons (a cow you can graze along the way and milk to feed an army is hugely more valuable than one you butcher for meat on the spot).

      I don’t doubt that meat apart from all dairy might make you queasy. I’d find it far harder to believe that was actually physiological rather than psychological.

      I suppose you could be a total one off, but realize that genes for getting sick from eating meat alone would have been selected out probably more than 100,000 years ago, if not more. I don’t see any way of getting around that. Even those who eventually wound up in the tropics with abundant fruit year round had to get there in the first place.

      • Recessive traits are a funny thing. It’s quite possible he was weaned using soy-protein based formula, and nothing else. Or just casein/whey if he’s lactose intolerant. Certainly his ancestors would have been carnivores/lactose consumers at one point, but it’s possible that his genes line up such that he can’t handle either or.

        There are certainly people who would not be alive today without modern technology, as I’m sure we can all agree.

        Though, I would tend to agree that the chances of the above are small, however it is 2011.

  29. I can ignore adult vegans, and I’m even friends with vegans like Alger here :) What I can’t tolerate is seeing children fed a vegan diet. When you get to be a certain age and can feed yourself, put whatever you want in your body, be it soy, cocaine or lard. But to forcefeed tofurkey to toddlers is child abuse.

  30. The problem with a comment feed like this is that everyone comes from the same opinion. Unfortunately for all the ‘vegan-bashers’ on here I just can’t read the ‘canine teeth’ argument without saying something. There are plenty of animals with ‘canines’ (actually called incisors) that are herbivores, such as horses, hippos, fruit bats etc. . As an example, a chimp’s diet contains approximately 0.1% animal products, and that is usually made up of termites, insects or the like. The reason that our mouth is shaped like it is is so that we can eat fruit. Think about how perfectly designed our mouths are for eating an apple, for example. Also, if you look at most other primates (other than us) they live on a diet that is either exclusively or almost exclusively plant based, e.g. gorilla (despite its massive teeth). There are exceptions, of course, such as lemurs, but the primates that have the most similar digestive track to ours eat a plant-based diet. That’s not to say a chimp won’t eat someone’s fingers, given the chance. They like to experiment and if they’re bored to tears at a zoo and some woman gets too close then abnormal things can happen. Of course, you could feed turkey meat to a turkey, or buffalo meat to a rabbit, but that doesn’t mean that it’s part of a natural diet.

    This is for another chap who wrote about vegetables rotting inside you (I can’t be arsed to comment on two different threads); dogs have very short digestive tracts and very strongly acidic stomachs, compared with humans. This is so that they can digest meat quickly and get rid of it before it starts to go off inside them. If you have meat sitting inside you for 12-24 hours(!) then of course it’s going to start to go off. In theory you should be defecating as often as you eat, which is only possible if you eat something that can be broken down quickly (fruits, nuts, vegetables).

    Of course, being as this is a paleo website I would hope that everyone that is championing meat eats it raw. If not then everything that you are saying about how great meat is for you is negated by the fact that when you cook something, ANYthing, you destroy not only the bacteria and disease (thereby making it safe for consumption,) but also almost all of the nutrients and enzymes. What you are then eating is simply a lump of empty food, void of goodness.

    Anyway, it’s pretty much pointless me writing this because most people meet such a response with so much confrontation that they couldn’t possibly see any point of view other than their own. If anyone here claims to have an open mind then they should read The China Study. For everyone else, take the time to ponder why America is one of the largest consumers of meat, world wide, and is yet one of the unhealthiest (developed) nations.

    p.s. I accept that meat consumption in the hunter-gatherer days helped evolve us into humans, but that’s not to say that we should be living on a diet that is 3/4 meat, dairy and fish. There has never been a point in history when people have eaten this quantity of meat and, coincidentally, there has never been a point in history when obesity was such a problem.

    • Blake wrote…
      “…when you cook something, ANYthing, you destroy not only the bacteria and disease (thereby making it safe for consumption,) but also almost all of the nutrients and enzymes. What you are then eating is simply a lump of empty food, void of goodness.” Learn how things work before making retarded comments next time. Start with “Peptidase enzymes”.

      “The reason that our mouth is shaped like it is is so that we can eat fruit. Think about how perfectly designed our mouths are for eating an apple, for example.” You are a classic example of the effects of DHA deficiency on the human brain.

    • “The reason that our mouth is shaped like it is is so that we can eat fruit. Think about how perfectly designed our mouths are for eating an apple, for example.”

      This is like Ray Comfort’s ‘atheist nightmare’ banana bullshit. Makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

      • Tracy, ha! Exactly my thought. That video is a laugh. How many counter examples could you come up with?

      • Like, a coconut, for instance. But I know the explanation already because it’s formula. “God created the coconut for his human creation, so it was necessary to protect it for them.

        No matter what you say, they will have an answer. Google Carl Sagan, a dragon lives in my garage. Same thing.

        Keep being smart and discriminatng, all your life, and stake it on your integrity. Never apologize until you know you’re wrong and when you are, waste no time admittmg it.

  31. I just leave this here: http://www.ted.com/talks/stefano_mancuso_the_roots_of_plant_intelligence.html

    Do vegans think a minute about all the plants they murder before eating them?

  32. Alex Good says:

    Who the hell eats fleas? Oh and there’s no way that guy ran 26.2 miles in two and a half minutes, that’s world record for cars worthy time. I smell a conspiracy.

  33. Carnivore says:

    “that guy ran 26.2 miles in two and a half minutes”

    guy runs faster than a Bugatti Veyron, thats very impressive. Also;

    “Most quotes on the internets is bullshit and never happened” -George Washington

  34. Carnivore says:

    “As an example, a chimp’s diet contains approximately 0.1% animal products, and that is usually made up of termites, insects or the like.”

    You just pulled that one out of your ear. Chimps will happily hunt smaller monkeys and even their own kind and eat them.

    “Also, if you look at most other primates (other than us) they live on a diet that is either exclusively or almost exclusively plant based, e.g. gorilla (despite its massive teeth).”

    In the words of ‘Cecil Adams’ from ‘The straight dope’

    we and the anthropoid apes diverged six to 14 million years ago–who cares what monkeys munch now?

    “dogs have very short digestive tracts and very strongly acidic stomachs, compared with humans”

    the ‘straight dope’ is that:

    the human small intestine, at 23 feet, is a little under eight times body length (assuming a mouth-to-anus “body length” of three feet). This is about midway between cats (three times body length), dogs (3-1/2 times), and other well-known meat eaters on the one hand and plant eaters such as cattle (20 to 1) and horses (12 to 1) on the other. This tends to support the idea that we are omnivores.

    “if you eat something that can be broken down quickly (fruits, nuts, vegetables).”

    Meat is through your system in 8 hours and most of it is absorbed in the small intestines. If you eat a meat only diet, as some people do, you will defecate far less and the odour becomes inoffensive. This is not because it “rots” inside you. But because it is easy for the body to process, as all the right mechanisms are in place….unlike cellulose which is indigestible by humans e.g.

    “Anyway, it’s pretty much pointless me writing this because most people meet such a response with so much confrontation that they couldn’t possibly see any point of view other than their own”

    Pot, Kettle, Black. Atleast we have the facts on our side. That will have to do now that you dont want to take part.

    “There has never been a point in history when people have eaten this quantity of meat and, coincidentally, there has never been a point in history when obesity was such a problem.”

    measured in energy we have cut down our intake of fat and protein by 20-30% from just 100 years ago. What has replaced it? Flour, unstable vegetable fats and sugar. Also, dont tell all the inuit people of the world that they dont exist. Most of them has hit on hard times and I think it would hurt their feelings to be told that they are but a figment of Vilhjalmur Stefansson’s imagination. They eat apx 98% meat. And by strange coincidence. As they started to adopt to our diet of flour, unstable vegetable fats made with hexan, benzol and other such agents, and a boat load of sugar and arteficial sweeteners (sugar alcohols)…they too started to get fat and became heartsick. Its allmost like their is a connection there.

  35. Michelle says:

    I live in vegan ground zero (Kits in Vancouver). I have been here a little over a year and I am moving ASAP because if I don’t I’m likely to start punching random vegans. These are some of the coldest people I have ever met. Many spout verbal caca like “you eat mean you deserve cancer”. My vegan neighbours call omnis fat (including me at 5’7″ and 135 lbs). Their vegan kids run wild, no parenting and are going to be home schooled because they are too good to socialize with the “other” people. Even their dog is vegan, and he runs away and show up at my place likely smelling our bbq (next time I may bring him to the pound instead of returning him at the very least he is getting a bloody steak before being sent on his way). They are the least neighbourly people I have ever met, and the husband is a mysogynistic idiot who called me the most disgusting word for female genetalia you can think of. You can’t even have a logical conversation with these self righteous idiots.

    The thing is these people are rich, they see the world from an elite point of view. They have no clue about socio economic issues, such as mental illness, drug abuse or poverty in general. Many have no real successes in their lives, so they just tend to their guilt/self hatrid guilt and point fingers at everyone else. These are some of the snobbiest, horrible, mean people I have ever known.

    So I went to a few vegan blogs to get their take on the attitude of these people, to try to find some peace in knowing that not all vegans are douchbags. And guess what? I was wrong, they are all douchebags. All the bloggers I approached wouldn’t talk about the issues I wanted to talk about, instead they tried to convert me. This is why people hate vegans. So I repeat, I must leave Kits before I start punching random vegans in the face.

    On a side note, how can vegans drive cars knowing how many marine animals die at the hands of of oil companies, either via ocean traffic, destruction of the environment or spills ? That is hypocritical to me.

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