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Additional Secrets of the Universe: Paleoish Corn Dogs

Don't you just love corn dogs?

While "femmes importantes" are now setting their sites on the "sins" of the great Robert Lustig...because, hey, that's what happens when you have no value to add to anyone, pretending instead you offer value by tearing down value...I'm off on a different track, and will continue to do so. It was fun engaging the cunt while it lasted.... Onward.

Right across the street and on the corner opposite the main gate of the Yokosuska Navy Base—on the peninsula quite a bit south of Tokyo—is a shop that does about the best finely ground black peppery chicken or shrimp fried rice I've ever had—that they prepare on the skillet in front of you and its fun to watch how the egg gets integrated; and in fact, though I don't know the recipe, lots of finely ground black pepper has always been essential for good fried rice, for me.

...But when you wander back, drunk & tired...at 1am or later, maybe you want a corn dog instead...and they were set up for that, for the totality of the 5 years I had there, in attendance in the latter 80s. They had an window to the street, kinda like convenience stores that're open late now—only for different reasons.

My only problem was that whatever dough recipe they used, it was inferior to what I knew as a kid...that with a solid, unmistakeable outer crunch and thin bread between...and then the mustard. If you put catsup on your corn dog, you're going to Hell. Sorry. I can't save you. You're lost, irredeemably. So, yea, that crunch thing and thin breading was replaced by a decidedly more doughy feeling and soft outer layer, necessitating the prerequisite of being somewhat drunk first. ...Inebriation doesn't only make ugly & fat girls pretty.

I have solved that little dilemma, however, in a Paleoish way. Crunch is paramount.

IMG 0938
First, 3 and only 3 ingredients, and I don't give a fuck about your kitchen sink concoctions

You can grill or otherwise cook your dog, but for ease, I have found that 25 seconds in the nuking machine gets the right balance of warn out of the fridge, little to no fat being wasted by pouring out on the plate.

IMG 0939
You must prepare the tortilla properly. Crunch. Use the gas stove

If you don't have a gas stove, you can do it with en electric directly on the burner. Just turn it almost constantly and keep the setting at medium low. Takes more time and attention, but doable. If you do your tortilla in some sort of oil, microwave it, or whatever fucking stupid thing you might have in mind, well, you ought to got straight to hell, along with the catsup-corndog abusers. I have no use for you in my increasingly small universe.

IMG 0940
A dolup of mustard on the side, just in case

Then, you eat it, of course.

IMG 0941


The tortilla cracks

If the tortilla doesn't crack, it's not crunchy enough and you're lost. Just lost. Comment in, and I'll try my best to save your soul from eternal damnation, in spite of the fact that's what you really deserve.

...But I'm a sucker for redemption.

Comments

  1. this is totally paleo mexican. Big smile : D

  2. JoshS says:

    Have you ever tried making your own tortillas? They are super easy… masa harina flour + water + heat. WAY tastier than the storebought ones too.

    • Never made my own, but seen my own made many times, in south LA or Mexico. But that was usually for a carne asada taco, with the standard 2 small corn tortillas.

      I’m OK with my tradeoff.

    • jay jay says:

      As I mentioned in the egg thread, I make my own sometimes. But if you live in an area with a significant Mexican/Central American population, you will most likely have a decent tortilla producer nearby. And they will be fresh, tasty, and affordable, or they will have already been replaced by a competitor. If you can find one that makes their own masa, their tortillas will likely be better than what you can make at home from commercial masa.

      I learned how to make my own when I lived in an area totally devoid of such, where the only other option was to buy tortillas in cans. Needless to say, compared to such offerings, homemade ones really shine.

      I can buy good ones locally now, but my wife gave them up a few years ago, so we don’t go through them as fast as we used to. Sometimes I freeze some, and that works well.

      But I mostly just keep a bag of masa flour on the shelf for when the urge strikes. The flour keeps for a year (vacuum sealed), and making them is quick and easy once you get the process down (though that can take a few attempts). And I can make just 2 or 4 or whatever.

  3. phreebie says:

    Is using actual live flames from shit I set on fire ok? Or would I go to hell for that too? Let’s assume I’m not burning plastics, or treated wood and shit.

    Great recipe.

    • JoshS says:

      phreebie… that would be even more “authentic”…. pecan woods adds amazing flavor to everything that cooks on it. :D

    • Phreebie

      Like over a campfire. Done that. I’ve also done steaks and carne asada over the raw fire.

  4. I don’t read any of the “femmes importantes” you’re referring to; probably for the same reason that you knock them here; but I’m glad that they have moved on from Kruse and set their sites on Lustig. Lusting needs to be brought down a peg. Everything about what he espouses is pseudoscience, and the way that he is pushing for government regulation of sugar is a dangerous slippery slope.

    • Well, I may not be up to snuff on all Lustig–I don’t get out much. I don’t care for his or anyone’s admonishments to governments to tax sugar or whatever–it’s what they’re doing that everyone else does too.

      But he’s right about fructose overdose in the form of juice and sugar drinks. Unassailable, and HE brought that to front & center attention, via his own efforts.

      Let’s wait for the cunt to havea video that people have watched over 2 million times on UTube. Don’t hold your breath.

      She has almost zero capability of creating value. She only tears down. Others, who don’t either create much value luv her to pieces. At least she has a few fans.

      • A.B. Dada says:

        I put the twat’s domain into my hosts file as 127.0.0.1 so I never accidentally visit.

        Now you’re forcing me to undo it just to see what her hamster is spinning over this time.

        Too bad she’s not hot, women like that are great over a 3 day weekend.

      • “Too bad she’s not hot”

        Now you’re going all contradictory on us.

        A hot chick can be smart or moron, but either way, she knows how to advance her own values. And tearing down values amounts to no more than teaching men how to deal with hot chicks like her. :) …which isn’t tearing down anything at all.

      • A.B. Dada says:

        I don’t spend a weekend with an attractive broad so I can hear her opinions or views of the world. That’s why women have girlfriends and gay BFFs.

        I know how to deal with blowhards — if they’re guys, do business with them, if they’re dames, just say next.

      • EatLessMoveMoore says:

        Problem is, they’re also usually smart enough to spot assholes like you.

      • A.B. Dada says:

        Im an admitted asshole but not a jerk.

        Women with feminine natures and fit bodies get my positive attention, masculine females with shit attitudes end up single with Netflix, two cats and knitting.

        Go to any MeetUp to experience it.

      • ELMM:

        Yea, I’m an asshole like me.

        And since you’re here, that’s makes you a pathetic fucking moron.

        That, is, if you really think that. Or, perhaps you like assholes like me? It’s fine if you do. But it’s kind of stupidly pathetic if you think that and stick around.

      • EatLessMoveMoore says:

        “Others, who don’t either create much value luv her to pieces.”

        Do you mean people like James Krieger and Stephan Guyenet and Kurt Harris?

      • Krieger is a boring fuck, and a dweeb looking guy which just causes a visceral reaction in me. I’ve never been able to get through a single post. At least Martin and Aragon are a little entertaining. Even McDonald.

        Stephan is a friend. No Idea how he and Evie get along, though chances are that since he blogs, she’ll get to him soon enough. It’s what she does primarily and YOU ARE A LITTLE METRO PUSSY MORON if you don’t see it.

        Kurt? Yea. He loves Evie. He’s safe though. He doesn’t blog anymore.

      • gallier2 says:

        Ever looked at Krieger’s CV? He is part of the CW fitness and nutrition establishment. He is professionally required to whistle the mainstream pipe or else his career would be terminated.

      • “She has almost zero capability of creating value.”
        I disagree. Evelyn find loads of studies and bookmarks them for ease of access. She also analyses studies in great detail. Sciencey people like me find that sort of thing of great value, which is why I read her blog.

        You’re not a sciencey person, so write about what you know about (which is also of value, which is why I read your blog) and leave the sciencey stuff to the sciencey people.

        Lustig got a new orifice torn in him by Alan Aragon (I learned a lot from that discussion), so I await Evelyn’s writings on Lustig with interest.

        Stephan Guyenet doesn’t write a load of old bollocks and isn’t likely to (being a sciencey person), so I can’t see him & Evelyn coming to blows.

        What do you think of Matt Lalonde? See http://www.youtube.com/watch?&v=bmL0gKEz00Q

      • gallier2 says:

        Yes, it’s exactly that. There are two ways to be above the crowd. Climb above or put everyone else down.

      • Janet says:

        Make no mistake: The real reason she’s going after Lustig is that 60 Minutes did a segment on him.

        For that, he must pay.

  5. Shelley says:

    Can I add some sauerkraut with jalapenos on the side to this most wonderful-looking hot dog dish without being burned in eternal hell?

  6. “Then, you eat it, of course.”

    Well, no shit, ya cunt!

    I never was a fan of corn dogs growing up because of the squishy breading. I think this sounds about right though with a tortilla. Ketchup does seem like a cardinal sin to put on such an item.

    • Aren’t I?

      Am I a total cunt, or what.

      Sorry you never experienced the total crunchy I did as a kid.

    • A.B. Dada says:

      Catsup on any hot dog product in Chicago is anathema. Some restaurants openly threaten violence to those who ask (warning signs abound).

      Catsup is for fries, mustard is for red hots.

  7. Please forgive me for I have sinned many times over the past few decades by including a small portion of ketchup (or catsup as my mom says) with my corn dogs. The ratio must be right, however. I just don’t go willy-nilly with the ketchup – 3 parts mustard 1 part ketchup, thus leaving the mustard flavor in the forefront and running things. Femmes = mustard, Richard = ketchup.

  8. Ahhh, I thought perhaps you were going to show us how to make a corny dog with a corn tortilla. Not exactly authentic, but far easier than making a cornbread batter and deep frying the dog, and I’m sure it’s pretty darn tasty.

    I make awesome ketchup (and mayonnaise), but I have to agree with you – no ketchup on the corn dog, just mustard. Now that I think about it, I haven’t had a corny dog in years, but I bet I could make one, and make it fairly paleo. If I can find a dog without soy or wheat fillers, dried milk or MSG…

  9. I bet that would be really great with a Thousand Hills dog, the only ones I will eat. http://www.thousandhillscattleco.com/ (I have no connection with Thousand Hills, just love their beef)

  10. EatLessMoveMoore says:

    Just use a freakin’ hot dog bun! Guarantee you won’t end up looking like, I don’t know, Jimmy Moore? There seems to be little point in worrying about what encases a hot dog when a hot dog is no more paleo than an Atkins bar. Can anyone honestly make the case that a little refined flour is worse than a shot of nitrates and God-knows-what-else?

    • Marcy says:

      The internet isn’t paleo either, so maybe you should get rid of electricity.

      There are plenty of hot dogs out there made of just meat and salt. Nitrates and other mystery ingredients are not required to make a hot dog.

      For me, “a little refined flour” would make me feel really awful for days and a hot dog won’t – even the cheap sketchy kind – so I can definitely make that case for you.

    • Oh, you mean like the one I indulged in at the theatre the other night, Sunday if not mistaken?

      They didn’t have corn dogs, which was kinda the point of the post. But, then, I’m coming to the opinion pretty quickly that you’re a stupid fuck. It happens.

    • “when a hot dog is no more paleo than an Atkins bar”

      Ok, evidence for stupid fuckness. From the package of the hot dogs I pic’ed.

      “Organic grassfed beef, water. Contains less than 2% of the following: sea salt, organic paprika, organic dehydrated onion, organic nutmeg oil, organic spices, celery powder, gluten and casein free.”

      Now fuck off, unless you have something to really get on my ass about and I’ll suck it up, just like you ought suck up how I just paw3d your ass.

  11. EatLessMoveMoore says:

    Oh, and that cheap shot at Evelyn at the start of your post was unnecessary. So she proved to be a worthy adversary who gave as good as she got. I say good for her – whether I agree or not. As one of the few hard-hitting, tell-it-like-it-is bloggers out there (Kurt would be another if he actually blogged), she isn’t out to win friends and influence people. And that’s the point.

    • A lot of things in life are unnecessary, but they sure feel good when you do them.

    • “tell it like it is”= one of the most useless expressions around. Typically used in reference to someone who tells it like the user of the phrase thinks it is.

      • +1 Jscott.

        “tell it like it is,” in Evie’s world, is ‘tell it like the small collection of fat chicks I have feel comforted about because I deflect the fact the’re fat and undesirable to men in general, and the metro males who somehow feel just all manly when we coo over their attentions.’

        Laf.

    • ELMM

      How about you just go over and see if Evie’ll suck your cock for you.

      Here, you get to go fuck off. With attitude. Pussy.

      • EatLessMoveMoore says:

        Damn, Richard. All I know is over in CarbSane-Land the weather’s fine. She hasn’t mentioned you since that one post. Your continued baiting of her just smacks of sour grapes – or sour something. Face it, bro: She held her own against the mighty Angry Dick (and even managed to land a few of her own). That should earn at least some grudging measure of respect.

      • Ha.

        Confirmation Bias. Maybe she’s not up to what she usually does. Since that post, it was Fat Head, and now today, it’s Lustig. She can’t go more than a few days without tearing someone down people in Paleo/LC circles admire and who’ve helped them in various ways. She’s an absolutely loathsome, ugly bitch in my view and anyone who really likes her that much is pretty, uh, bright eyed. I know exactly who she is. Exactly.

        I’m still debating whether I want to annihilate her or not. For sport, of course. I did try to extend an olive branch or two or three or a dozen along the way. I’m happy to put in a dig on virtually every post I do, about whatever window she’s breaking today for the good of everyone (Broken Window Fallacy, for the ignorant).

        See, nobody fights back. Now, she has a mutherfucker on her hands who will not only fight back but will take the offensive with her ugly fat ass for as long as it takes. If I want.

        But I may get tired of it. It’s not a big deal. Only today. And yesterday. Maybe the day before. Tomorrow is anyone’s guess.

        [For an update, please see: Lemons to Lemonade Documentary - Ed]

      • EatLessMoveMoore says:

        “Since that post, it was Fat Head, and now today, it’s Lustig.” Exactly! That’s what she DOES, man. That’s like saying, Fuck, Bill O’Reilly just insulted another liberal… I suspect a lot of her readers could give a shit less about her science-y stuff (if they can even understand it); what they read her for is the take-downs of sacred cows. And, by my way of thinking, that’s a necessary service in any society. That IS the ‘value’ she adds. Would you say an investigative journalist doesn’t ‘add value’ because all they do is take people down and expose wrongdoing? I highly doubt Kruse – to name just one – would have descended so fast to his present ignominy had she not been out there calling him on his bullshit when few others were. In the long run it makes a movement – be it paleo or low carb or whatever the fuck ever – far stronger when the charlatans are weeded out. And the “ugly fat ass” stuff? Come on, Richard, what does that have to do with anything? You’re capable of waging a war of ideas on a far higher plane than that.

      • It’s ALL she does’ and incidentally, I’ve never been a fan of take down journalists. The’re just window breakers and I have always seen them for thwat they really were, since I was like 5.

        You cannot produce by means of destruction. It’s a negative sum game.

        Offer better.

      • The mention of Gary T again and again is ridiculous. Like a child intriqued by a light switch. YET…still yet, fucking Gary T said some real shit that was not being said.

        People on the sidelines took potshots. What did they have to lose? Nothing.

        “A calorie is not a calorie” is an accurate and provocative phrase.

        But, at least carbsane attached a name and face. That is at least some skin in the game. Anonymous talky talk? Meh. Who knows what is real with that.

      • EatLessMoveMoore says:

        Fair enough. At the very least, though, there’s this: Call me old-fashioned, but I seem to recall something about gentlemen not attacking ladies. Or calling them names (at least beyond grade school).

      • “I know exactly who she is. Exactly.” She knows exactly who you are. Exactly.

        “I’m still debating whether I want to annihilate her or not. For sport, of course.” You don’t have the scientific cojones to annihilate her in the scientific sense. So, in what sense do you mean? I’ll just go get my sun-lounger & bag of paleo popcorn. I love internet fights!

      • “I seem to recall something about gentlemen not attacking ladies.”

        I agree. Get it?

      • “So, in what sense do you mean?”

        Basically, taking critique too far. A focus on completely tearing down people in Paleo/LC communities who do a lot of good work. I’m not anti critique at all. That’s not what she does.

        How about go after institutions (like food, drug, dietary, agricultural, subsidy policy), and you might use particular individuals as caricatures from time to time as I do with a dietitian, but I’m not hounding that individual, and over and over, but the institution as a whole.

        No problem pointing out that Taubes is or could be wrong about some things, but post after post after post on what a “fraud” he is, how dishonest he is, etc?

      • jay jay says:

        I first crossed paths with her about three years ago. I read her posts with interest for a few weeks, because it seemed she had some interesting counter arguments to low carb dieting. But it didn’t take long to figure out where she was coming from.

        Low carb didn’t work for her. So if anyone else speaks positively of it, they are either stupid, or evil, and must me dealt with accordingly.

        Nothing has changed with her. She attacks people she disagrees with. That is ALL. SHE. DOES.

  12. More Butter, Please says:

    I can’t eat corn very often (or wheat at all) without ill effect, but damn it, my lifelong love of corn dogs–and of corn tortillas–just will not quit. I don’t care about regular hotdogs; it’s gotta be corn dogs. And yes, the crunch is an essential part of the experience (and mustard is the only condiment).

    I’ve been giving some thought to how I might make a dog I can actually eat for a while. Coating each dog in masa dough before frying it was the solution I’d reached, but this method? Infinitely less of a pain in the ass, and that it’ll let me satisfy both corn dog and tortilla cravings at once? Genius. So thanks for this!

  13. I had a corn dog for the first time in Japan. One bite and in the bin. I don;t know how any one could eat one let alone export them to other countries. Bad enough to be Scottish!
    What is wrong with good old bob lustig?, sure I wouldn’t tax sugar I would just ban it (and sweetners) outright from any food aimed at children and turn it into public health villain number 1. Dr Lustig did say in one of his talks that he doesn’t favour legislation at all but wants to use the tools at his disposal.
    Loads of baby food has substantial amounts of sugar in it here in the UK.

  14. Mark1977 says:

    Nigel, it’s obvious how he’s going to annihilate her. He’ll call her a cunt again, because that’s all he’s got.

    Educating people on the science of diet, weight loss, insulin resistance etc. is of great value, particularly if it steers people away from gurus pushing false promises and bad science and towards good science and evidence-based dietary strategies. I have learnt such a lot from reading her scientific posts, particularly her in-depth analyses of studies so to write her off as just a hater is ridiculous and lazy.

    And even if she did only tear others down (which she doesn’t), so what? Does a cancer surgeon offer no value beacuse he only takes out cancer cells but doesn’t put back new ones? Carbsane is attacking the cancer in the LC/Paleo world and for that alone should be cherished!

    • “He’ll call her a cunt again, because that’s all he’s got.”

      Not so. I’ve already laid out my issues with her. Other’s have already acknowledged them.

      “Educating people on the science of diet, weight loss, insulin resistance etc. is of great value,”

      Indeed. I include, in spite of some errors, Taubes, Naughton, Moore, and Lustig in that. I don’t mind critiques of any errors. But her modality is to not do that, but to attempt to entirely discredit them. Over and over. That’s the distinction and if I keep harping on her which is doubtful, that is what I will keep driving home. She attempts to elevate herself by discrediting people who have done far more in the large to “Educat[e] people on the science of diet, weight loss, insulin resistance etc. ”

      “Carbsane is attacking the cancer in the LC/Paleo world”

      If that were true, she’d be attacking herself.

      • EatLessMoveMoore says:

        Well, she seems to be ignoring you, so I’d say it’s a non-issue anyway. She’s too smart for that game.

      • More than happy to be ignored by her. I’d have been happy being ignored the other two times she didn’t ignore me. In both cases, she ran her post up the flagpole first.

      • EatLessMoveMoore says:

        Time for a new topic anyway. Krusegate anyone?

  15. gourmetcooking says:

    Dude, what’s up with the fast food shit lately? Where’s all the gourmet stuff gone? You used to be so good with food dude.

    • “Dude, what’s up with the fast food shit lately?”

      Oh, get over yourself.

      Incidentally, limo to SF this evening to be the guest of Michael Mina at his restaurant along with Bea, my brother (who swung the gig), and some business folks.

      I’ll try to snap some pics.

  16. Elenor says:

    “Call me old-fashioned, but I seem to recall something about gentlemen not attacking ladies. Or calling them names (at least beyond grade school).”

    I don’t see any “ladies” being attacked! It’s a(n infuriating!) falsehood of the feminist propaganda that women can ACT like total @ssholes, and yet men are still required to pretend they are ladies WORTHY of manners, kindness, and protection! If you want to *request* (or better yet elicit) the protection of a lady, then act like one! If you want to wrestle in the mud like a man — then prepare to be TREATED like a man!! And that’s got nothing to do with bein’ a lady!! (Jiminy crickets! WHERE do females get these stupid-@ss ideas?!?!)

  17. RickB says:

    I haven’t kept up with the feud, nor have I regularly read the CarbSane site. But I spent a few minutes looking it over and understand Richard’s frustration with it.

    After 2 years of following the paleo movement, I’ve come to appreciate the division between individuals who are out there working with people (doctors, trainers) and academics or solo writers. The first group is forced to come to conclusions that apply to a wide range of people and to implement those conclusions (then adjust according to progress) [these people, by the way, overwhelmingly find that moderate low carb is the best means of shedding fat]. The second group doesn’t. Solo writers, in particular, can focus solely on what works for them and then freely bash everyone else with their n =1 pronouncements. They and academics can also get buried in the minutiae that is irrelevant to 99.9% of people.

    A writer like CarbSane can analyze random studies and tear down Taubes, & Lustig, & whoever else is not parroting the tried-and-true “Calories in, calories out” dogma. But it’s just unhelpful to people who are really struggling with fatness, and who need some concrete guideposts to get there. She has no obligation to do that, but I do appreciate Richard calling her out for it. If she just wrote out her theory on the causes of obesity (she hasn’t right?) in some Archevore-style way, she’d at least be offsetting her destruction with some construction.

  18. This shit has really turned into a high school girls’ locker room, sans pertness.

  19. Followed the original recipe. While ok, I felt something was missing. I took a second tortilla and nuked it for 10 seconds and added that as the ‘inner’ tortilla. This created a softer inner texture of ‘doughiness’ to counter the outer crunchiness of the crisp tortilla.

    An improvement I think.

    -Mark

  20. I make tortillas with egg whites and a whole bunch of seasonings, especially paprika & cilantro! No carbs, just pure deliciousness! And I adore Applegate Farms and their amazing dogs, especially their 100% grass-fed beef dog!

  21. Hey Richard, I love your site and all your wonderful recipes and I ain’t dissin you when I ask do you ever worry about all the plastic you use? I have noticed all your wonderfully organic and healthy paleofood is all covered in solidified toxic goo. Anyway, I just wanted to say watch out bud and thanks for the site! -DSM

    • Dylan:

      Probably a skewed perspective on your part. I actually use so little mayo, catsup and mustard that’s it’s not worth the time or effort to make my own (I do make my own paleo BBQ sauce though–it’s on the blog). As such, I get the Trader Joe’s stuff with a very short ingredient list. Seriously, one bottle of their organic catsup with no HFCS lasts probably a year in the fridge.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] what’s this stuff about bashers got to do with CarbSane’s recent exchange?  In a recent post on his blog, Dick Nikoley led off with the following comment: While “femmes importantes” are now [...]

  2. [...] to the masses.  Dick will claim that that individuals like Taubes and Naughton have “done far more to educate people on the science of diet, weight loss, insulin resistance, etc.”  Ummm, I fail to see how “educating” people with bad science (and I mean REALLY [...]