— I sincerely tried. Hopeless. Here's why.

[This is the 13th installment to the newly-published revamp of the "40% Testosterone Increase" series, which I've re-dubbed Asian Women: The Everyman's Definitive Guide. Hugely expanded and a far wider context for a lot more times and places, since 1982. Now I have endless Asian chick stories to write about...from Japan to Korea to Okinawa to Philippines to Hong Kong to Indonesia to Malaysia to Thailand...going back 40 years—if you're interested in that sort of thing and if not, no worries. Plenty of other stuff.]

...We were waiting for our order at a seriously good burger joint in Patong Beach, just off the famed Bangla Rd. "Walking Street."

I've been recently seeking out Google reviews of good burgers on the island and FAT MAMMA Burger Patong was my latest find. I even had a little fun on my Telegram feed with it.

Thankfully, five months later and such reenactment crap still isn't on the menu. It's a really damn fine all-beef burger though, just like the reviews said.

One hallmark of a good burger is that it's confident enough to not hide behind a bunch of produce, cheese, bacon, and whatever other non-burger stuff people are adding to them these days. My favorite burger in the world to date, still, is the near 1-lb charcoal grilled on about 1/3 of a bâtard (une baguette, but wider; what Americans call "French Bread."). That's it! No mayo, mustard, ketchup, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, cheese, bacon, or watercress. No sesame seeds. You'll find it at Original Joe's in San Jose, CA.

Bread. Meat.

Anyway, I was so impressed that I decided to take Yui to FAT MAMMA's...and...