— I sincerely tried. Hopeless. Here’s why.

[This is the 13th installment to the newly-published revamp of the “40% Testosterone Increase” series, which I’ve re-dubbed Asian Women: The Everyman’s Definitive Guide. Hugely expanded and a far wider context for a lot more times and places, since 1982. Now I have endless Asian chick stories to write about…from Japan to Korea to Okinawa to Philippines to Hong Kong to Indonesia to Malaysia to Thailand…going back 40 years—if you’re interested in that sort of thing and if not, no worries. Plenty of other stuff.]

…We were waiting for our order at a seriously good burger joint in Patong Beach, just off the famed Bangla Rd. “Walking Street.”

I’ve been recently seeking out Google reviews of good burgers on the island and FAT MAMMA Burger Patong was my latest find. I even had a little fun on my Telegram feed with it.

Thankfully, five months later and such reenactment crap still isn’t on the menu. It’s a really damn fine all-beef burger though, just like the reviews said.

One hallmark of a good burger is that it’s confident enough to not hide behind a bunch of produce, cheese, bacon, and whatever other non-burger stuff people are adding to them these days. My favorite burger in the world to date, still, is the near 1-lb charcoal grilled on about 1/3 of a bâtard (une baguette, but wider; what Americans call “French Bread.”). That’s it! No mayo, mustard, ketchup, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, cheese, bacon, or watercress. No sesame seeds. You’ll find it at Original Joe’s in San Jose, CA.

Bread. Meat.

Anyway, I was so impressed that I decided to take Yui to FAT MAMMA’s…and…

It was the typical chick PITA experience. First she says she wants Thai food, as always. Thais generally have significant—and in my view, unwarranted—hubris about their cuisine.

I eat a lot of it; some, nearly every day. I generally like it and some things I love. Massaman beef, for example. Not just my favorite Thai dish, but in my top 10 of all dishes worldwide. She relents, acts like she’s doing me a favor and then when we go into the little joint to order, she wants pork instead. Well, it’s a damn halal place, so stands to reason there ain’t no pork, including no bacon add-on.

“Chicken, then. I don’t want beef.”

“Yui, I’ve seen you eat McDonald’s hamburgers many times, and how about the beef soup you like?”

(Many Thais seem to regard beef in some measure of disdain, like it’s unhealthy, or something.)

She relents. I order the 140 gram single patty for her, the 100 gram x2 for me.

She hates admitting she likes it. But she does, so typical and needless bullshit.

…She arrived Sunday mid-afternoon not looking her best. Says she’s up until 05.00 drinking with the girls, didn’t sleep great for fear of missing the 10.40 flight from Chiang Mai.

I haven’t seen her in nearly 11 months, partly because I refused to travel with any mask or testing bullshit, partly because of the Covid financial setback I’ve written about. A lot has transpired between us and I had finally said I was done. Then I stopped drinking and this was one area of reevaluation and so decided I’d explore it, which culminated in two false meetup attempts in Pattaya that did not bode well for any successful future.

The third time just wasn’t the charm, sadly.

Sure, there were the initial hours, the sex which is always good, and just the plain buddy-like, familiar affinity. We know each-other well. There’s really not so much to pin this failure on except that the time for us came and went.

And it’s her who keeps firing stuff back up again after I’ve cooled and am carrying on alone. I know women are pretty good and strong about the ‘that’s it!’ cutoff and never revisiting. I guess I am not and am susceptible to the phone ringing and subsequent seemingly heartfelt video chat.

For my part, I thought I was going out of my way for any possibility. There’s good reason to. I love the two girls dearly and we had some nice video chats recently. But that’s not enough and there’s no animosity between Yui and I that precludes me having some role in the girls’ lives going forward.

We’ll see.

For her part, same old Yui who, after those initial months together nearly 3 years ago, just hasn’t put much effort into anything much.

I find that in as honest of an evaluation of self and everything else I can muster, I’m improving, moving forward; and she’s 29 and stuck, putting on pounds (a good 10 since I last saw her), has deepening incuriosity about anything not at her fingertips via the damn phone…

And the list goes on.

Too many things that strike me as just plain pointless to tolerate or endure in my daily life. My desire to keep things as tranquil as possible often feels like walking on eggshells and weakness…yet from her perspective, she claims to see me as too strong, too fearless, too critical of bullshit I hate.

She dislikes very much how dismissive and occasionally rude I am to people in general who from my perspective, are fucking pestering me. Like the street merchants, ladyboys, you name it. She can’t understand that I feel no sense of obligation to strangers, except to let them alone.

…Anyway, it’s impossible to give a full and clear picture when there’s details I can’t even account for and I know that because of everything I think of later, after the fact, putting 2 and 2 together.

So in short, it’s that we’re on two vastly different paths; a far cry from building that house together, living the village life. Who knows? Perhaps I should have stayed and just buckled down with it. It’s difficult to assess because those were the days of the bottle—though not as ferocious as when I’m alone.

Ironically, I had been off the bottle about a month when I left to set up a private space in Pattaya for the writing work. So there’s that.

Maybe I can only be with her when drunk enough, and often enough…

Which brings me to my final point; which is, I knew just a few hours into the next day after her arrival that it was doomed.

Why?

Because for the first time in nearly three months, I saw myself going right back to the bottle, again.

Visit From Estranged Thai Girl Was Awful. Here’s What Happened