Methods To Madness and The Virtue of Binging

About 10 days ago, I published a post and did an accompanying video. In a nutshell, it’s about spring-cleaning…ending up with every essential thing you need and nothing inessential—because you don’t need inessentials cluttering up your life.

It was driven by my decision to just stop with the mad, insane rush to build this blog corner of the world to stadium size. Why? In a phrase: because it requires stadium-size lies.

That’s how the world works. Very few get to be big and influential without spinning big and influential lies. Few are the mavericks who can maintain a high degree of integrity and be huge. It’s not impossible, but the world isn’t rolling out red carpets for that.

All marketing is designed and geared to make the sale from those most susceptible to persuasion…a euphemism for effective lying. You’ve got marketers out there—I could name names—who outright talk explicitly about using hypnosis to persuade (to get more sales). Uh…no thanks.

Where I come from, persuasion is the art of nudging a person out of their comfort zone so that they can experience something you deem could be good or helpful to them, and you’d like to see them enjoy that because you sincerely care about them.

I write this blog to persuade anyone who’ll listen that I have ideas and experiences I think are worthy of checking out…take your pick, and it’s up to you. That’s a simple message, and I make no bones about who I am.

This thoughtful comment came in on the video, and I thought it would be a good opportunity to address some things some of the paying members might want to know…since they pay the bills around here. Also, you’ll see reference to the “no soap boing boing days.” The post that made me “famous” (and took down the server during NYE parties, 2009) 14 years ago. The blog was just 6 years old then. Some readers have been around the entire 20.

He starts off with what I consider a solid critique about purpose. I take that criticism to mean I should better convey the message of my purpose. I’ve already alluded to it: get you to think differently. Try new things. But the deeper purpose underlying that is to never stop trying to find your best life.

Never stop trying to find your best life on your own terms—not other people’s terms.

This is the problem most people have. I was very fortunate at a young age. At 23, I moved to another country. I spent from 23 to 28 in Japan and traveled all over Southeast Asia. Then I had eight months or so back in the USA before heading off to France for another couple of years. By the time I was 31, I’d already logged seven years outside the United States, away from my standard collection of friends and family.

That was invaluable.

As much as I missed my family and friends, it’s crucial to be separate from them for a while when you’re young. Call it “leaving home.” This is when you feel less of an influence or a sense of expectation that others have for you. It’s not just about them as individuals; it’s the whole structure their lives are built around. You’re supposed to be a part of it.

For most people, that’s fine. You’ll have a decent life. But is it your best life? Probably not. It’s just an ‘aren’t you fortunate?’ life because if you examine it, you’ll find you could have done better. For me, that means never stopping my exploration. I’ve always been pretty free.

I did come back to the States for nearly 30 years, trying to fit the mold a bit. And that was OK, too. But I’m doing better now. If some of that can rub off, that’s what I’d call my purpose. I will endeavor to make that message clearer and more explicit.

The next couple of paragraphs take me to task for my transparency about my activities with the Thai ladies. Naturally, it’s assumed that my dedication to the gym and building lean mass is all wrapped up in that. So, I go to the gym to be a jacked old guy. What’s the point of it? What’s the purpose? I guess he’s alluding to the idea that if I’m not having kids and raising them, then I’m just spreading Western degeneracy. There’s a lot to unpack there.

First, find your best life—that’s contextual. My best life at 63 is different from my best life at 23. What I did at 23, 33, 43, and 53 is irrelevant now because I’m focused on what’s best for me at this age. When I first came to Thailand nearly four and a half years ago, I had just gone through a divorce. I quickly jumped into a relationship with a woman 32 years my junior, who had two daughters—angels, they still are. I tried to do “the right thing,” but it didn’t work out.

Why it didn’t work out is something I haven’t talked about much. It was probably just as much my fault as hers. The cultural difference is enormous. If you’re young, you’re probably more malleable and can adapt better. Everyone’s heard the saying “set in his ways,” and that certainly applies to me. When you’ve lived long enough, there’s some bullshit you just won’t put up with any longer. You’ve seen it a million times; you’re done with that shit.

It comes down to that. It’s not just one thing or another—it’s little things. They add up and accumulate. I don’t even need to mention specifics because you can imagine. I’m in a Thai village, and everything is different. I’ve lived in Asia for a long time, so I’m no stranger to things being different. But with separation—my house here, someone else’s there, not stewarding a family with children—and you can’t just be the asshole and say, “I’m paying for everything, so do as I say” because everyone’s going to call you an asshole. You can suck it up, but then you’re not really finding your best life.

I don’t necessarily think the best life for someone in their 60s is to go make a bunch of babies. If you want to, knock yourself out. I wish you well. But it’s not my best life, and I’d venture to guess it’s not the best life for many other 60-somethings out there, men or women.

As for Western degeneracy, I have to remind my reader and commenter, Dan, that I am in Pattaya, Thailand. If it’s not the capital of the world for a certain kind of lifestyle, then it’s damn close. No place comes even close.

I like this next part with one little exception.

“I want to see you doing crazy cool stuff with a purpose—having eight kids in Thailand, having two wives in Thailand, teaching your kids to hang glide over some beautiful scenery, etc. Building 25 rentals in Thailand.

“That’s the stuff an audience can root for—crazy, unique, and cool. Not a boomer figuring out a good workout.

“Your biggest strength has always been your big-picture philosophizing, great forecasting, and instinctually great takes on societal idiocy. But your life is pretty boring for someone who wants to build a huge audience.”

Well, I can take that to heart and see the underlying message. It’s not necessarily about having eight kids and doing all this stuff with them, though I agree that would be cool. Who knows? And two wives? Well, I don’t know how much I want to get into on that. But I do have a relationship that’s with two women—both 44, both with three kids. Two of them are grown, and one has an 11 or 12-year-old boy, Timmy, who I’ve met. The other has an 11-year-old girl. And it was at their initiation. I’m just kind of a passenger, and it happens to work. Mostly.

I joke with them that I ought to make more money, rent a bigger place with three rooms, and everyone can move in. But then I follow that up with, “That would certainly be the death of the relationship.” I don’t want to dwell on that story. It just fell into my lap, it works, and it’s casual and chill. But I do want to do stuff. My idea of building night markets is still on the table. It doesn’t require a whole lot, but right now I’m focused on making this blog a more solid income stream—doing it the way I want to do it.

I’ve been toying with hitting the road in various places—not just here, but probably first on my list would be Vietnam, Cambodia, possibly Laos. I’d do some video blogging and written blogging from the road, but in my style. With the backdrop of my stories, social critique, and history. My sense of the difference between Asian and Western culture. That is definitely on the table, and I’m taking that part of his comment as encouragement.

Let’s wrap this up by addressing the final part of the comment. I get it. You want to see more rad content, and that boils down to a lot of activity. It’s an opportune time, and that’s precisely why I focused on this comment. Now that I’ve reworked everything and simplified this whole blogging thing, I’ve relaxed and backed off a lot. I have more time. Before, it was just go, go, go, go. So, the criticism is well taken. When you’re working so much, you don’t have the time or the energy to get out there and do the stuff that might actually make things better. Maybe I’m finding a better balance. I hope so.

I have a potential trip coming up in about a week, but it’s not definite yet. It could be a weekend in Bangkok or a drive to Northeastern Thailand—a road trip with those two gals. We’ll see.

Now, let’s dig deeper into this critique about my gym activity. I already talked about it, but yeah, he says less than one percent of people lift. Not a huge draw. I get that. And what a fucking shame. Look around you. Look. Around. You. People are unfit, unhealthy. I’m looking you in the eye because in the search for your best life, one of the best things you can do is get your body in shape. There is no more efficient way to do that than by lifting weights. Why? Because every pound of muscle you add to your frame takes energy to maintain. This raises your metabolic rate and gives you headroom. It makes you naturally leaner and more attractive.

If gals are your thing—ignore anyone who bemoans they’re full of shit—then if you build muscle and lean out a bit, you become more attractive to women—even young women in their 20s. Guys who bla bla just haven’t experienced it. I hear their cry for help. And the gals? Sour grapes, often enough. Be competitive in the context of your age, experience, and abilities.

And fuck the nattering nabobs of negativity.

Yeah, very few people are interested in my gym thing. What a fucking shame. I’m not backing off on that.

One last thing: the idea of binging. It’s often used derogatorily, but it’s in our DNA. It’s in our makeup. Embrace binging. Nature has binges—forest fires, earthquakes, floods, awful weather, feasts, and famines. Everything is normal and steady-state, except when it’s not and nature goes on a bender.

The better way to pursue your best life is to have a little bit of binging in you. Your desire for this or that builds up; binge on it until you’re tired of it, then go back to a steady state until you binge again. Binge on something else—whether it’s chicks, booze, or whatever. Problems arise when you binge too often or when your life becomes one big binge of everything. Binging is powerful. Use it wisely.

That’s all.