DEAR OSAMA BIN LADEN
I’m sorry. You were right. We deserve to be blown up.
After last Tuesday, well… what can I say? You had us pegged dead-on the first time–although I was in denial and refused to believe it up until now. We as a nation obviously ARE a bunch of mindless sheep, grown fat with consumerism and easily led down the primrose path into corruption. After what happened November 2, there’s just no denying it anymore. I’m ashamed that I was so blind for so long.
After 60 percent of eligible voters turned out and 51 percent of those voted for Bush, I can’t do anything but concede your point: There are no innocents left in America. We’ve brought this on ourselves. Go ahead and do your worst. We’ve got it coming–in a big way. All I ask is this: Give New York a break, okay? And leave New England, California, and the rest of the West Coast out of it as well. We’re on your side already! Please, stay focused and plan your next attack against the real enemy: those "red states" in the middle of the map. Fly a Cessna into the stands of a NASCAR rally. Put a suicide bomber on the Arch in St. Louis. Drive a truck-bomb into the Grand Ole Opry. Release anthrax at an Astros game. It’s all good! They’ve got it coming. I’m just sorry it took me so long to figure out how very right you were. Can you ever forgive me?