The Unvarnished Truth About Keyboard Trainers

— It’s Probably Not Their Fault

Alright. Sit tight. I’m about to lay something on you that’s as electrifying as a lightning bolt in a bottle. There are a couple of reasons why my mood’s striking a high note tonight—scratch that, it’s not about my mood—it’s about the substance.

First off, let’s talk about marvels of human achievement—specifically, the kind that’ll have your jaw meeting the floor. I have the distinct pleasure of rubbing elbows with some physical specimens at the gym, the kind that communicate in the universal language of iron and sweat. These aren’t your average Joe’s prancing on a treadmill; these are titans sculpting flesh like Michelangelo did marble.

Now, chew on this for a second reason—yesterday’s revelation. The new, redesigned format of the site. It’s slick. It’s intuitive. I roll up to my own homepage, and it’s like staring down a buffet of topics ripe for the picking. I could carve up a post on this, shred a post on that. The layout? It’s topic-based, a smorgasbord for an intellectual feast. And just when the timing couldn’t get any more impeccable, I’ve got a couple more brainchildren ready to burst forth from the cerebral womb, primed to coincide with a promotion that’s ticking down its final hours. If you’re in New York, you’re looking at a deadline tighter than a drum—two, maybe three days tops.

So, mark your calendars. Tick-tock. The clock’s relentless march waits for no one. Let’s dive in, shall we?

… But first, look, I’m not here to bruise anyone’s ego. In fact, I’ve got dude respect for the gym bros, far more than for the dime-a-dozen diet gurus. Why? Because you can’t fake iron. To sell fitness, you’ve got to look the part or kiss credibility goodbye. In the diet arena, we’ve seen enough charlatans to last a lifetime.

Business is about being the alpha, not the also-ran confessing there’s better out there. You claim the top spot, or you’re just background noise. So, hats off to the trainers who walk their talk.

Here’s the deal: I’m not here to bash any specific training methodology. Whether it’s powerlifting, Olympic lifting, CrossFit, HIT, HIIT, or whatever time-under-load, super-slow, or high-volume torture you prefer, the best program is the one that gets your ass to the gym consistently. Period.

Personally, I like a foundational medium-to-high volume gig because it’s challenging, fun, and exhausing. Low-rep high intensity leaves me feeling like I’ve cheated myself. That’s what I’m doing now in Phase cheeter-cheeter III. But, the PRs are falling like wobbly bowling pins in a stiff northern, so there’s that satisfaction.

Now, let’s drill down to the nitty-gritty. Amidst the swamp of so-called “optimal” information, if you want the real science on body composition, you look for the transformations. Sure, we’ve got studies in the gym world like the diet world, but they’re often chasing the wind. What do you really need to know? Whether two sets of 10 with heavy dumbbells beat four sets of 20 with lighter ones? Some time-under-load calculations or simple slow-burn… It’s all about what gets you results.

For the uninitiated, here’s a quick primer: If you’re pumping two sets of 10, those dumbbells are going to be hefty. Four sets of 20? Lighter weights but more endurance. You’re aiming to exhaust the muscle, whichever route you take.

Before I unveil the promised goods, let’s talk shop with the monsters I rub shoulders with at my gym. These are not your average Joes; we’re talking professional, competitive bodybuilder types. Take a peek at this photo and a 1-minute video clip of my upright row session from the other day. I’m 10-repping 95 kg, about 209 pounds, for context. Come next Tuesday? I’m gunning for the bottom of the stack—105 kg, or roughly 230 pounds.

December 29, 2023; Muscle Factory, Pattaya, Thailand

For a quick recap, I know not all of you follow along with everything, so I like to do a quick review. We would be starting last July, when I seriously hit the gym. I had done some here and there since the time I stopped boozing, which was on August 7th, 2022.

Beginning July 1st, I embarked on 30 consecutive days in the gym, following a specific program by Alexander Cortes called SHRED30. Subsequently, I began another of his programs named Longevity, which offers a variety of options. The goal is to find a routine that suits you as you age, one that you can sustain without injury. That was fine, but I longed for something more challenging. I wanted to test my limits, especially considering my age; I will be 63 in a month.

This was combined with the sexual activities—let’s just call them that—here in Pattaya, Thailand, which I sometimes refer to as the Las Vegas of Asia, where what happens tends to stay here. So, I began this third program, which is really designed for young folks, you know, the 20- and 30-something gym-goers. It’s called Achilles, patterned after the sort of routines Brad Pitt would have had to do to get ready for his role in the film “Troy.” And it’s pretty ass-busting.

The program runs five days a week and includes four phases. The first two are of medium volume, so lots of sets and reps. Now, Phase III is much lower in volume—meaning much fewer sets and reps—but not extreme. The purpose is to set personal records in tonnage moved. We’re not going below, like, 8 to 10 reps, which means you don’t lift something that you can’t handle for at least eight or ten reps in your first set. If you start going below that, assuming you are lifting strenuous weight for the reps, then it means heavier weight and a higher chance of injury. You’re getting into powerlifting and Olympic lifting territory, which is rife with injury. Why? Because it’s a highly competitive sport.

With that said, here’s my general progress. I’ve posted this photo series before, but this is where I was at as of just a bit ago, and then, of course, further up is where I am today.

Now, to come full circle with what the post is about, here are the guys I shoot the shit with about all this stuff nearly every day.

That’s…left to right…Dennis the Canadian, Julian the American, and Wameed the Iraqi. Of course, they all know a lot about everything. Dennis is the one who got me started in both TRT and HGH, including suppliers. Julian is a trainer with a wealth of knowledge and is currently informing me about peptides of sorts—so new latest and greatest, I guess and we’ll see. Wameed has been a buddy since about day 1 in July, over at Zoo Gym where I started (I prefer the culture at Muscle Factory, even though membership is double the price).

Now here’s my newest buddy. Jason the Englishman. He even lives in my same condo complex. Wanna bet I get good, solid info? No need to watch the whole thing unless you want to. It’s more for the holy fuck look at him. This is shot up at Muscle Factory Bangkok.

Being in this environment, you learn a lot about how fucking disciplined these guys are and what levels of ass busting they do for the results they get and by ass busting, I’m talking kitchen and fridge, too.

Funny…you should watch how they drag ass leading up to competition when they may be doing some low-carb cycling for whatever they’re trying to accomplish. When and if they use LC, it’s for a specific reason, not a practice of religious rites.

Here’s another recent vid of Jason with solid info. Muscle Factory Pattaya, the same place I visit about every day.

Of course, more soon—including my intention on Tuesday (back day) to conquer the bottom of the stack for those seated rows.

Since Covid killed my Cabo San Lucas vacation-rental business in 2021, this is my day job. I can't do it without you. Memberships are $10 monthly, $20 quarterly, or $65 annually. Two premium coffees per month. Every membership helps finance this work I do, and if you like what I do, please chip in. No grandiose pitches.

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