Despair – “I’m too old and I’m too fat to go out.”

Now, mind you, I overheard that at the local pub yesterday afternoon, from a girl who had just been carded by Thane on the other side of the bar. Right before that, she’d told the friend sitting with her: "I haven’t done anything this summer, like go to Music in the Park, or anything…"

Sad, eh, that a fairly young woman — young enough to warrant an age check from an excellent bartender — would feel so down about herself. And while she was overweight somewhat, she certainly wasn’t obese. But I’ll bet such sentiments are not that uncommon. I now observe the condition everywhere I look — the fat butts, hips & thighs on women, and the pot bellies on men…and I want to ask them: how’s the low fat diet working out for you?

What I wonder is how long it’s going to take before everyone stops doing the same thing. Can they not recognize that everyone is getting the same results doing the same thing — for years, now?


Well, of the many ways we got to this awful place, here’s the one I’m going to ridicule today, courtesy of an imbecile: Jennifer Nichol in Foods That Burn Calories! on Yahoo.

Celery and cabbage have long been touted as "calorie burning" foods, simply because the energy used to digest these foods is greater than the energy, or calories, ingested by eating the foods.

Yea, right. By this imbecilic non-logic, you’ll starve to death quicker eating 100 pounds of celery than if you simply eat nothing. Stupid, stupid, stupid, and y’know what? Google "negative calorie foods" and see what you come up with. This myth is all over the place.

Eat Low-Fat Dairy Products

Recent studies have been pointing to the fact that dieters who eat at least two to three servings of low-fat dairy products a day, like cottage cheese and yogurt, lose weight faster, keep it off longer, and lose more weight in the belly area than dieters who don’t include dairy products in their diets.

So, there you have it: eat celery, cabbage (because they’ll make you lose more weight than eating nothing), and have some low fat dairy (in spite of how that diminishes availability and absorption of fat soluble vitamins A, D, E, and K2) because you always have to be low fat (ignoring the fact that all fat weight-loss diets are high fat and about like eating lard).

Thanks to people like Jennifer Nichol, we’ll see no end of diet Despair for quite a while.

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  1. susan dawn wake on August 14, 2009 at 14:58

    Thanks for giving her a good slap. I saw this piece of awesome ignornace myself and my first thought – really – was “I hope Richard catches sight of this.” If true, it would have given my husband another reason not to like celery though: in her world, it’s some sort of nutritional black hole … sucking energy in and letting not out.

  2. Mark on August 14, 2009 at 15:42

    Well, we have to go low fat b/c high fat makes us dumb and lazy … I am surprised this article didn’t jump on that piece of brilliant scientific work (I am sure you saw Mark’s usual brilliance on this one:

    I am surprised I had the energy to actually type this…

  3. damaged justice on August 14, 2009 at 16:31

    ONE comment out of almost THREE HUNDRED that linked to Weston Price. The rest? Unanimously united in denouncing the author as an idiot…because by golly, everyone knows reducing calories, exercising more and AVOIDING FAT is the only way to lose weight.

    My only response these days is, “How’s that working out for you?”

  4. Cynthia on August 14, 2009 at 16:47

    Pretty stupid article all right. I do like celery and cabbage though, and at least she pushes toward protein instead of carbs. She also recommends foods with B12, but like a true low fat/covert vegetarian advocate, says it is found in milk, eggs, low fat cheese and cereal rather than the best sources such as meat and liver.

    I do enjoy your irreverence!

  5. David on August 14, 2009 at 17:45

    My 4-year-old nephew is on a diet now. He had been eating low-fat, but was gaining weight to the point of almost being obese, so now it is even stricter. No more cookies for him, and they think they can replace those cravings with celery and carrot sticks.

    I feel sorry for the kid because I’ve been on low-fat diets and know what sort of hunger pains he’s about to experience. Celery in no way satisfies a body.

    • pjnoir on August 16, 2009 at 21:43

      A 4 yr old needs food habits not a ‘diet’ Educate his parents to Paleo/Primal/low carb/no grains meal plan- and he can eat plenty and not miss a thing. I’d still include milk, cheese and Greek yogurt for such a youngster. No breakfast cereal or corn.

      good luck

  6. Julie on August 15, 2009 at 06:42

    I agree with all that has been said already. However, I think that young lady also has a need to deal with the poor self-esteem issue at her core. She might lose weight, but it typically takes a bit more work to get those feelings under control.

  7. Keith Norris on August 15, 2009 at 15:26

    Wow, thermodynamics 101 anyone? I don’t know what’s more amazing, those who can spout the “negative energy” food horseshit out their blowholes (most time, quite literally) while maintaining a straight face, or those who take it in hook, line and sinker. Of course, what percentage of the population is it that believes that the sun revolves around the earth? And don’t forget that lunatic chapel out in KS, the friggin’ creationist museum. No wonder reality TV is such a big hit. :)

  8. Sue on August 16, 2009 at 05:56

    David, can’t you get the parents to see sense – putting a 4 yr old on a low fat diet!! Its disgraceful.

  9. pjnoir on August 16, 2009 at 21:38

    NEVER Ever eat a low fat diary product. There is a reason it had it included in the first place. The fear of Fat has got to end- for our health.

    Fear the Bread NOT the Butter

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