Where Has the CRUNCH Gone?

I had an epiphany last night

Or perhaps it was the weather, now in the 80s and sunny. Birds chirping are driving me crazy and joyful. I love them and I hate them…but that’s just how I try to do everything.

I did a meatza night before last. Meh. I’m getting a bit beyond paleo reenactment devices. But that said, it’s only natural, and if you need to make coconut flour pancakes with some sort of reenactment syrup in order to feel as though you can progress, got for it.

It’s just that I have kinda come to the conclusion that I like pretty heavy meat, some variation on a sauce most times, and some kinda veggie, starch, or a salad. And then maybe I’ll have a real pizza a few times per year.

Dessert? What’s that? I just almost never have such a thing, anymore.

OK, so meatza. As always, clicking enlarges for higher quality.


That’s a pound of grassfed ground and a pound of pastured pork grind, done in Justin’s way (he designed that FTA header graphic for me, way back when).

Here’s the slices. 


Simply, since there’s plenty of meat, what I did was chop up a bunch of crimini mushrooms and lightly saute them in butter. Then I drained them, and then sauteed the onions in the drainage, let it all cool, and mixed those and some sliced olives with mozzarella cheese. Then to the working finishes.

But like I said, I’m just kinda meh on the whole thing. On the other hand, I kinda like it better cold. Since I didn’t eat a lot of it the night I made it, we had it as leftover last night, accompanied by a big crunchy salad.

Big Chunk Salad
Big Chunk Salad

Now here was the epiphany. I realized how much pleasure a good crunch gives off. In addition to the romaine and spinach greens, there were big chunks of radish, celery, carrot and radicchio. And yea, blueberries too. It was dressed in OO and balsamic.

I had like two plate fulls. Crunch is just grand. get those chompers chomping.

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  1. Tuck on April 1, 2011 at 13:55

    You’ve finally discovered a use for vegetables! ;)

  2. Dino Babe on April 1, 2011 at 14:00

    When you said the weather was in the 80s, I momentarily thought you must have invented time travel! My brain is set to celcius. :)

    Looks like some tasty eats! I know what you mean about the meh feeling toward ‘primal mock ups’. ‘It seemed like a good idea, seemed like a good idea, at the time…….’

  3. noa on April 1, 2011 at 14:22

    It’s an idea worth persuing further. You are right about the crunch. Bacon? In any case, I personally dont care much for ground beef anything when cooked. If it’s raw its great, but then supermarked ground grease doesnt really cut it for taste.

  4. Chris on April 1, 2011 at 14:51

    Sadly, Richard talks about eating vegetables on April 1st, though I’m fairly certain this isn’t a joke.

    If you want paleo crunch, two words: Pork Rinds. Though store bought ones are going to be fried in seed oil, it is possible to make your own.

  5. michael on April 1, 2011 at 14:59


    Not quite on topic but I am having a WTF moment with this article I just read. Does this mean that they are seriously saying that saturated fat raises your blood sugar more than the other stuff in fast food? If so, your meatza is going to give you diabetes, Richard…..Fucking unbelievable what shit they come up with.

    • Lute Nikoley on April 1, 2011 at 17:11

      They’re probably talking about the saturated fat that is standard at fast food places, high in omega 6. If they would use grass fed, I bet they’d come up with different results. Of course I ain’t no expert.

      • Bushrat on April 1, 2011 at 21:15

        Actually, they probably tested blood sugar before and after eating a quarter pounder meal with fries and and a coke and realised that it had to be all that saturated fat that raised the blood sugar, since fries, coke and bread are so healthy (not to mention the special sauce).

    • J. Stanton - gnolls.org on April 1, 2011 at 17:32

      I left a comment on this one: the article badly misrepresents the study in question.

      Briefly, the study involved giving people a lump of fat (or not), giving them a coffee (decaffeinated or regular) 5 hours later, and measuring response to a blood glucose challenge an hour after that. Results: 6 hours after eating fat and 1 hour after drinking coffee, sugar was metabolized more quickly than it was 6 hours after doing nothing and 1 hour after drinking water.

      At least, that looks like what happened. Without access to fulltext, I can’t dissect it any farther.

      It might even be worse than that: they make intimations in the article that increasing GLP-1 levels is a bad thing, whereas in reality, it’s under investigation as a TREATMENT for diabetes because it increases insulin sensitivity and satiety!

      What a crock of shit.

      • Bushrat on April 1, 2011 at 21:16

        I’ve heard coffee burns up sugar in your system. Maybe thats what they found.

      • dr. gabriella kadar on April 2, 2011 at 03:59

        Well then, the answer is simple: sugar is not part of a paleo diet. If you don’t eat it, then you don’t have to metabolize it.

  6. TandooriChicken on April 1, 2011 at 16:09

    I seriously thought you were April foolin’ when I saw this ad on the FTA sidebar:

    100% VEGAN

    I was thinking Hah, good one until I realized you probably don’t have that much control over your ads.

  7. J. Stanton - gnolls.org on April 1, 2011 at 16:15

    To me, ‘paleo pancakes’ are like vegan bacon.

    If you’re going to cheat, cheat proudly. Don’t dick around with nut flours and honey. Eat a Reese’s and drink a goddamn Coke.

    Seriously: a can of Coke is 140 calories. That’s a lot less than any dessert, or that big-ass pile of fake ‘primal bread’ you just made. Enjoy your cheat and move on with your life.

    • Sue on April 1, 2011 at 20:14

      yes a lot of those low carb type recipes are always so high calorie. If we agree that low carb causes you to eat less then it’s not wise to include too many of those recipes in your diet.

    • noa on April 2, 2011 at 05:14

      damn straight! And dont see it as cheating either. Life is to be enjoyed. Folks try and feed your dog pizza and coke. He loved it, didnt he? No discimination on his part. The thing is to only rarely munch on non-foods like that but enjoy it fully while you do it. Also, stay away from light or zero sugar products, thats the same crap. Do it or dont.

      “vegan bacon”


    • Anthony on April 2, 2011 at 11:33

      I do so agree!! Cheat and move on. Commit or don’t! This comment made me laugh out loud!

    • Michael on April 3, 2011 at 13:03

      We westerners are so parochial at times. :-) If you want pancakes just use what a good chunk of the world uses when they make pancakes – buckwheat. No crazy non-traditional flour (almond, coconut). No ingesting who knows what else in the name of a good “cheat.” No gluten and no grain but with all the tasty and traditional goodness of pancakes.

  8. Lute Nikoley on April 1, 2011 at 16:56

    When we eat grass fed beef, are we really eating primal? I don’t think there are any domesticated cretures around that havn’t been genetically changed. So if you want to imitate some of the foods you’ve enjoyed for 70 year, have at it. Just keep it paleo. And desserts are great when it concists of berries, heavy cream and whipped cream. It’s delicious. I bet the biggest complainers are the biggest cheaters.

    • Bushrat on April 1, 2011 at 21:20

      No matter how much we have selectively bred cattle we still haven’t bred the fuckers out of being grass eating animals any more than 20,000 years of eating grain has turned humans into thriving grain eaters.

      Its funny, people who eat primal/paleo say they should eat as their ancestors ate and as their bodies adapted to over thousands of years ago and yet they don’t see the silliness in not looking the same way at the animals they’re eating.

  9. Brian Scott on April 1, 2011 at 17:56

    Fscking hell, Richard, why do you keep posting such good food porn whenever I’m fasting? XD

  10. Rob on April 1, 2011 at 18:26

    That’s some good looking pizza. I think the crunch factor is what makes corn/tortilla chips so addictive (if not the MSG). That salty crunch must activate something primitive in your brain that equates those chips with animal bones.

  11. Mallory on April 1, 2011 at 18:58

    i woudl eat pizza before i ate metza…i think if i ate metza i would never like pizza againa nd pizza is something i have always liked, it’s pizza…dough sauce cheese….done right lol

    but this blueberries in salad i have to try. or strawberries as theyre everywhere here in season now!

    • Sue on April 1, 2011 at 20:10

      I’m not a fan of mixing in fruit with my salad veg.

      • Sue on April 1, 2011 at 20:16

        I should have said purely from a taste perspective.

      • Anthony on April 2, 2011 at 11:34

        me neither…

  12. Pam Maltzman on April 1, 2011 at 23:42

    One of these days, I have to make a Meatza. Sometimes my sig. other has a pizza delivered, and the smell just drives me crazy, because officially I’m off grains and junk food. Sometimes I actually eat a piece or two.

  13. Melissa on April 2, 2011 at 04:45

    A crunchy chopped salad, I’m pretty sure, is the perfect combination with any meal. Love that stuff. And meatza, too. In fact, might make this combo for dinner tonight…

  14. Kris @ Health Blog on April 2, 2011 at 13:33

    I really need to have something crunchy every now and then myself, eating it gives a somehow satisfying feeling.

    Sometimes I crave the texture of specific foods, not necessarily the flavor.

  15. Tomasz R. on April 3, 2011 at 04:53

    Fukushima factor: beware of mushrooms and berries.

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