What In The Hell Is Up With Richard Nikoley, Chapter 2

Chapter 1 was posted on my 57th birthday, January 29.

That was three weeks into the separation from my wife Beatrice, whom I’d been together with since about 1996, married since 2001, so 22 years and 17 years, respectively. I’d suspected for a while that her retirement last June from the day job would make or break us. It did the later. It’s very different, living with someone 24/7/365 than it is just every evening, weekend, and vacation. It’s nobody’s fault. When you have all the time in your life, you go to your primary and principle values. It turns out that ours diverge too much to be in each other’s faces, all the time.

After just over five months of solitude on my part, living alone in a pretty big space, I headed down to SoCal a week ago, and spent the most part of that week at Bea’s new place she’s crafted for herself, and decorated throughout with the many classic, artful things I collected during my five years all over Asia in the late 80’s, that she loves, and that I love even more that she appreciates them so much. I’m so happy for her to have them now. They don’t work so well in a pinewood cabin anyway.

The purpose of the visit was both to reconnect a bit, and to meet with a divorce mediator. This is someone who, rather than seeking to fuel flames of discontent in exchange for attorney fees on both sides, tells you both you’re full of shit while you’re sitting there. We met with Belinda—former divorce attorney—last Tuesday and to give you an idea, I came out of the 2-hr initial mediation feeling like crap, that she had totally taken Bea’s side against me. I was sanguine about it, though. I told Bea as we were driving away that Belinda’s $5,000 flat fee just saved us $10,000 in attorney fees, each.

But, Bea wasn’t happy either and as women seem to do, she got anxious and perturbed later that evening. Apparently, she thought the session went opposite from my impression. I’m just going to suppose that’s good.

Bea’s Backyard

I’m not going to say where she got it from, but Beatrice has an excellent flair for the decorous, now. On the other hand, I grew up with an artist grandfather and at least one of his brothers had an interior decorating studio…

Live above the fray. Decorate well.

What I really learned over the last week with that view is that Beatrice is so happy and content with what she has done for herself, but that just as equally, it’s not me. We’d be at each other’s throats within a couple of weeks. It’s not at all about how cool she picked a place to live or how she decorated it, but the context of life. I’m ready to move and move often, with only what I need. She’s five minutes away from the family she loves. How could I begrudge that? How can I not applaud? She worked for 35 years for a bargain where she gets enough money monthly to do what the fuck she wants every single day she wakes up for the rest of her life, no worries. Not a bad bargain and It’s indescribable, not the least of which is because for half of those 35 years, I saw her getting up at 5am day in, day out, enthusiastic to go at it another day with the school kids she owned. She was no shit-ass, union-entitled teacher, either. She loved it and lived it. She owned it.

I make it a point to apprehend ways the female is essential, respectable, and worthy of exaltation. Exaltation, for my personal perspective, took growing up with a great grandmother who raised a boy and girl (my grandmother) as a single mom during the Great Depression. I can’t imagine a Western male not having their own reasons why women are so great and so essential—even on Father’s Day.

I have never been much enamored of the “men’s” movement. Call it Red Pill, call it whatever. To me, there were always two nagging things:

  1. Males seeking to win at victim Olympics.
  2. Males seeking females to be their voices.

A few months back I came across a woman who, in 5 words, reconciled my problems with the male movement and after thinking about it, gave me a clear path forward in all of it.

Men need to wake up.

It actually seems very obvious, once you think about it and I did think about it lots and lots. If you do, then you immediately dismiss these nefarious notions of males as victims or of female spokeswomen for poor males.

…Back when I published Part 1 of What In The Hell Is Up, I got tons of feedback, much of which is public on the comments to that post and the Facebook share comments. What nobody knows is that I got several dozen feedback emails and comments to the blog that were held in moderation because the commenters had no previously approved comments.

These where highly berating, mocking, gloating, etc. I have a simple rule about putting through first time commenters on the blog, and from where, going forward, they are whitelisted and comments publish automatically: It has to be value-add the first time.

It’s so simple. And yet, trolls, gloaters, and mockers can’t manage that. They can’t help themselves.

There’s an interesting fact about all of it: 100% male; or, at least, anon using a male pseudo. 100%, zero exception. No females. I got nothing…NOTHING but hugs, from females. Does this not go to my interlocutor’s pith, above? Think about it.

…Feminism is an easy target but it’s the wrong target. The right target is solidly, 100%, pussy boy males with pink panties in a bunch.

Feminism simply fills the void left by all the hundreds of millions of males who have decided they want to be girls now; but of course, aren’t man enough to chop off their cocks and “man” up.

We live in interesting times. Females vying for masculinity, males vying for femininity. Of course, it will correct and when it does, it will be bloody and indiscriminate. I just hope that when it does get indiscriminate and bloody, that the pussy boys are the very first to go. Thats a level of indiscriminate I can not only live with, but embrace. Females have essential utility and no, I’m not talking about rape. Females have a keen sense about where their bread is buttered, that’s all.

This in not a formal post in this vein, but is somewhat peripheral to my Propertarianism Project.









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  1. thhq on June 18, 2018 at 07:18

    The truth you seek may be in Winnemucca. Or Alturas. Higher and lonesomer. Big alkali lakes.

    I’ve been getting back into folk music.


  2. fearless on June 20, 2018 at 03:52

    I suspected something wasn’t right between you two when you moved to Mexico for a bit – that was a while ago I guess. Anyway, it’s really not my business to be honest.

    On other matters: will you be reviewing Martin Berkhan’s upcoming book?

  3. wallycat on June 20, 2018 at 19:25

    I was trying not to comment, but your last paragraph begs it. It breaks my heart that it takes men a tragic event in their life to realize that women are not “eye candy” nor are they predators. Most women aren’t out to “get” men. They want to provide for their families, have fulfilled family life, be loved and love others. That society makes men and women do things outside of what is normal and natural should be a slur on society and not on the sexes (male or female). Feminism isn’t a divisive act to “beat up” on men; it is a commentary that women want equality. Instead of men fearing that, they should realize they may get an easier life…why should men be held to bread-winning and doing difficult jobs when women are willing (and usually able) to help. Indeed, women ARE, have been and have always WANTED to be help-mates, not playthings. I’m not saying being a plaything is bad (inside the privacy of 2 consenting adults) but it should not prevent women from doing their fair share, getting their fair share and working along side men.
    P.s. My wallycat moniker is my deceased cat’s name. I am female. I love men and enjoy their attention but I also want to help my husband and not force him to “support” me. I think most women feel that way; stand along side and be a partner…no using, no taking, no expectations or privileges…if society allowed women to have equal say and equal work and equal pay, we would not be perceived as “using feminine wiles” to survive and assist our families.

    • Richard Nikoley on June 20, 2018 at 21:00

      A feminist would want you beheded for that comment.

      For me, it’s typical female cake and eat it too.

    • Lisa Truitt on July 6, 2018 at 11:28

      What a load of bull shite. How do you know what women want? Go look at the 2015 Gallup poll that showed 56 percent of women who are married and have children. (I thin that’s right that it doesn’t include those without kids) say they’d rather be at home not in the workforce. That’s the ones that would admit what they really want anyway. Feminists have been screaming about how awful men are and how any woman who would choose taking care of one and family over going out and having a career is stupid or door mat I’d bet at least another twenty percent wouldn’t admit what their real desires and inclinations are. And as for equal pay for equal work well sure. If it really is equal work. Men and women are certainly equal in value but they are very different. Sorry ladies but you can’t sling a two hundred plus wounded man over your shoulder and carry I’m to safety in combat. You can get through special forever training. Or at least so few as to barely be worth mentioning. My husband owns an IT company with about 50 employees. The environment there for technicians levels one through three is very challenging and fast paced. There aren’t that many women who apply because not many are qualified. Of the few who do a few have gotten hired but then they quit cause they can’t take it. Women can do fine in IT but are better in certain niches. My husbands is managed services where high monthly fees are involved for keeping systems up and running and backed up for very large high dollar high volume clients. It’s very demanding. I was at a chamber dinner with hubbie a while ago where the local Girl Scout leader was talking about their program to end descrimination against women in math and science related careers and against girls being educated in math and science. What a load of bs. That isn’t the reason why there are few women compared to men. It’s cause women don’t have as much aptitude in those areas or as much inclination. Men have so many more times the testosterone. It makes them stronger, hornier, more driven, more left brained and on and on. This is scientific fact. There are outliers of course but they aren’t the norm. My step mom in law is brilliant and has degrees in chemical engineering and an mba. In her thirties she landed my father in law who
      Was a well paid exec. Pretty quickly she quit. She learned to cook, entertained his business parties,
      and got involved in community projects and charities. They never had any kids. I think a lot of women would rather do these kinds of things than the kinds where they have to grow a beard and big set of swinging balls to compete.

    • Natalie on July 14, 2018 at 12:30

      Sorry about your situation Richard. Even though you don’t have kids together I heard it’s a common problem for the empty nesters – with the kids gone they realize they don’t have much in common. I think it was easier in the old days when people lived with larger clans and communities, likely in the same place for most of their lives and (hopefully) grandkids nearby. Speaking of which… I was reminded of your post about that baby that never was… do you think you’d have been less lonely now if you had a couple of exotic looking grandchildren you could visit sometimes?

      • Richard Nikoley on July 14, 2018 at 14:40


        Such a “far out” comment. I love it.

        Yea, there are regrets over not going it conventionally. But I also am glad I escaped the potential downsides. In my view, no male ought impregnate a female until the abhorrent family law shit gets sorted out. Too big of a risk for males who may have let get dick and emotion get in the way when young.

        That said, I have fantasies and up to now, they are no more than that. But I chew on those fantasies and in particular it involves going off to the Philippines and getting a crazy hot 20-something I want to fuck 3 times a day, who wants to be fucked three times a day, who wants to make a few babies and be a wife and mother.

        And it brings me to tears thinking about it, and knowing I could do it.

        In the PI, I could find a chick like that inside of a week.

    • Natalie on July 14, 2018 at 12:36

      Lisa – I work in the IT and I come from the family of scientists … so your comment is hilarious to me.

      No aptitude, really? They used to say that about any white collar job… doctors, lawyers, etc…

    • Richard Nikoley on July 14, 2018 at 15:10

      Natalie, you and Lisa have WAY more in common than not. Male perspective.

      Otherwise, underwater pillow fight, pics or videos. ;)

      Yea, I know that’s disrespectful. Can’t help it. My love of the elusive female gets the best of me and I embrace that.

  4. wallycat on June 21, 2018 at 07:46

    I would hope a feminist would not find that beheading-worthy. Perhaps if you saw it from a female perspective, you would not say “cake and eat it too.” Instead, you might see it as…Can I find the ingredients to make the cake, go to work, come home and care for my family, find time to bake said cake, offer it to my family first, then take the crumbs that are left. Just sayin’

  5. Jon on June 21, 2018 at 13:05

    I feel you are showing men, or what should be called men, that we are always adatable and that our mates might just be the thing that gets us moving.

  6. Natasha on June 23, 2018 at 09:13

    Dear Richard,

    When you first posted about the separation, I was so upset. Why? Its not my business, but it made me sad. I enjoy your writing, even though some of the language is not my preference, I keep coming back. I enjoy the straight talk, and your interest to test things out.

    I believe you are better when you are with Bea…. It encourages you to be selfless. Good for you, and good for your writing.

    I believe happiness comes when we do for others. This is challenging with our mate because we become casual with it, take the relationship for granted. Do you “need” a mate? Maybe not. But whatever was the tipping point in the relationship, is the same issue that will come up with someone else.

    I hope you find a way to get through this… and mend the fences. A special someone is truly, deeply special.

    Bravo on the chosing a mediator. But divorce, the impact is really terrible, and it’s long lasting. If at all possible (everything is possible!) it’s worth it to start investing in the marriage again.

    Just my thoughts. The ones I can get down.

    • Richard Nikoley on June 23, 2018 at 09:34

      You are a lovable sweetheart, Natasha.

      Bea and I talk almost every day on the phone, sometimes twice.

      We will always have some part in each others’s lives.

      We’re kinda cool with that being in an unmarried context.

  7. Jen W. on June 24, 2018 at 06:22

    Yep, thanks to feminism’s recent form, we now have female bullies in male bodies. Quite strange.

  8. Jenn on June 24, 2018 at 18:29

    “I would hope a feminist would not find that beheading-worthy. Perhaps if you saw it from a female perspective, you would not say “cake and eat it too.” Instead, you might see it as…Can I find the ingredients to make the cake, go to work, come home and care for my family, find time to bake said cake, offer it to my family first, then take the crumbs that are left. Just sayin’”

    This is 100% feminist thinking- “Let the women do everything.” Men really are brilliant for making women think this was their idea.

  9. Le Gros Voleur on June 30, 2018 at 17:50

    I strongly urge Beatrice to engage counsel skilled at ferreting out hidden assets. Given the unethical manner in which you closed down Provanta (leaving customers in the lurch and absconding with unearned fees), you are not to be trusted.

  10. Christian on July 1, 2018 at 20:17

    Your divorce couldn’t have happened to a better guy. Now you can become the hippie vegan you’ve always wanted to be.

    • Richard Nikoley on July 1, 2018 at 22:09

      I was telling someone the other day that the only grief I have received in all these five months is from beta-circling pussy-boy males.


      Zero females, most of whom tell me NO, get back together, make it work. Just had an hour long phonecon with one today.

      America is fucked, and it has zero to do with feminism. It’s all about having so many pussy-boy fucks like you.

  11. White Knight on July 2, 2018 at 10:14

    You’re the beta circler, Fat Boy. Even Jimmy Moore managed to keep his wife. Your only companionship is your own right hand.

    As for who is alpha and who is beta, I’l ask Herb Mullen.

    • Richard Nikoley on July 9, 2018 at 11:04

      You’re anonymous, the hallmark of every coward, and you always have been.

      Anonymous pussy boys spend their lives being anonymous, jabbing at men who put it all out there with no fear of anonymous cowards.

      You would never say this to my face. Moroevover, there would never be an opportunity because you are an anonymous pussy boy.

  12. MAJ on July 13, 2018 at 06:07

    This has been a long time coming. And a long time gone. Was it back in 2014, 2015, that you left for the hills and Bea stayed behind, you separated, and the whole Dr. Grace thing happened?

    It doesn’t matter, but the signs were there. If you’re both in acceptance of the inevitable, and agree to equitable division, and remain friends, it’s no big deal. Better to deal with it
    Ike rational adults (yes, they exist!) than to drag it out. Both you and Bea appeared to be your own persons, individually capable yet willing to concomitant resources until it became untenable.

    Kudos. You are perhaps more evolved, or at least less invested, in certain modern aspects of contracts.

    Divorce happens. It’s narrow thinking to assume it’s always about superficial resource extraction from male ->>> female. Sometimes you just want to be you. For a time, marriage is you. Until it isn’t.

  13. Rose on July 25, 2018 at 18:53

    I’ve been checking in off and on for years on your blog. I’m not much of a comment er on things but today I will, just to salute you for being 57 and still wanting to fuck 3 times a day.

  14. Dave on August 4, 2018 at 19:14

    Agree with your observations on these beta pussy boys, Richard. It’s amusing, but also pathetic. Keep calling those fuckheads out.

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