— Those for whom a knee-jerk “no” is their default position

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’ve been doing quite a lot of emailing with members lately, and that’s cool. It might interest you to know that very few of them are those you’d know from comments to posts here back in the day. A few, yea, but not most.

I was surprised myself. Turns out the quiet lurkers are also the payers.

Anyway, amongst the many suggestions I’ve received was one I immediately saw the value in and didn’t hesitate to start thinking about a first “short take.” Of course, I used to do that all the time, but I never had any obligation. Since going paid these two years ago now, I always feel the pressure to write more, more, and more…so posts often end up being 3,000 words plus. There’s a few in excess of 7,000.

This one came about because of a short video by Andrew Tate some months ago. I haven’t even bothered to look for it, but it made me aware of something, so it’s one of those things where, when it moves to the forefront of your awareness, you begin seeing it all the time.

“…and you’re with a woman who disagrees with you.”

My honest hot take was, “well, that’s her right.” Which is true. Moreover, it’s a statement that must be taken in context, and that’s the crux of the matter I’m going to get into in this short[er] take.

It has been revelatory for me in a very short time.

… What I did was to begin recalling times in the past where there has been disagreement big and small between myself and someone else. I dismissed the big stuff. Just at a cursory recall, and for me, there’s plenty of blame to go around in the big stuff, so that’s life and off the table for the purposes of this treatment.

I’m talking about disagreements that are inconsequential.

Chicken or fish. Beef or pork. Bacon or sausage. Stroll in the foothills or walk on the beach.

Pineapple on the pizza?

That’s all just tongue-in-cheek, really. Because, what I’m really talking about are spur of the moment proposals…“hey, y’wanna…[x]?”

Now that’s where the crux of this issue lies, tells you who you’re dealing with, and whether you wish to continue doing so.

I had a brief chat with Zon to prime the writing pump. She surprisingly brought up an old post I’d written in 2007, 16 years ago!!! to challenge what I’d just said (I’m tellin’ ya, people…):

Interesting, your reference of that post, which brings to light a nuance. At root, I’m quite agreeable with others, particularly if their expressed wishes are of little or no consequence, such as which restaurant to go to, a hike in the hills or walk on the beach, etc. By contrast, this blog is my work and part of that is rooting out all evidence of stupidity…or perhaps more accurately…incuriosity around me. So, I have a sort of shtick that’s iconoclast, misanthrope, disagreeable. Incidentally, I tend to think that intelligence is highly associated with curiosity, by which I mean consequential curiosity, not prying or busybody curiosity.

Turns out that conversation with Zon wasn’t of much consequence for this, but it’s always a great writing primer, without exception.

1. If there’s no important reason to disagree, then why disagree?

I have no #2, because after running through it over and over, it just comes down to that simple thing.

Then I think of the thousands of times I’ve tolerated disagreeableness when there was no good reason for the other person to be disagreeing.

And this is what Tate was getting at; the context. It’s not that the woman you’re with is never going to disagree; it’s about whether it’s of any real consequence, and that’s her personality.

Is she doing it simply because “no” is her default every time, unless you happen to suggest something she happens to want at that moment? Or, more likely, is it simply an adapted behavior where over time she’s learned to always be driving a hard bargain so the ante gets pushed up, over and over?

Yea? Well, I’ll tell you what: Fuck That!

Okay then, how about the dudes?

I’ve racked my brain and cannot think of a single one who has ever been like that. In specific business negotiations, sure, but that’s posturing for a better deal and “no” is always the first answer to any offer.

It is my general experience that when another man disagrees with a proposal I’ve made that seems of no consequence to me, then I get an explanation or reasons why it’s of some consequence to him, and hence, the regretful rejection.

So the obvious objection to this is, of course, “yea, well duh, Richard. Plus, it’s you always saying ‘know the terrain,’ and that’s the terrain. That’s the chick shit.”

Indeed.

… But not always.

Also, being more aware of it has been extremely helpful. It’s simply a process of being aware and steering yourself away from disagreeable people and toward agreeable people.

Fresh air.

I’m beginning to wonder whether I even have to tolerate one gram of disagreement in a personal relationship, ever.

I could go into more detail, but that would involve talking about things I’ve also been informed isn’t my best look. Use your imagination. Chances are, you’ll be onto something.

Okay, that’s a smidgen over 900 words. I was thinking 1,000 will be a hard line, so that’ll be just right, since I’m done.

100% of these short takes are going to be member’s only.